But I Did It My Way
by Courtney Daisy
Summary: "I ...looked around the big room. I was completely alone yet again during this trip. I had definitely imagined this voyage going much differently when he had first approached me with the notion of traveling on the Titanic. Nothing seemed to be as I would have wished except the lovely ship herself. I was just a poor girl surrounded by rich people where I didn't belong..." -Charlotte
1. Each Careful Step

**Hello Readers,**

** I have this story loosely mapped out. I'm spending my summer free time writing.**

**I really hope you all enjoy. Review if you like it, and review to tell me why you hate it. I'd love to try to improve my story through what you have to say. Thank you for joining me.**

**And with that, Welcome aboard the RMS Titanic…**

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My eyelids fluttered opened, and I rolled over to check the clock. It was 8 o'clock in the morning. I forced myself to throw the blankets off my body. I sat up and stretched. Finally, I worked up the willpower to rise from the bed. I stared longingly at my pillow; I wanted just a few more hours, but I had to get moving. So, I shuffled myself over to the window of my hotel room. I looked out at the early, gray morning sky. Letting out a sigh, I let my forehead rest upon the window. I could feel the cold Southampton air chilling the glass.

I heard movement outside my door. Happily, I glided over and threw the door open. My smile faded when I saw a small, mousey looking girl standing in front of me. I suppose she could tell I was confused, because she gave a little curtsy and said, "Mornin' Miss Charlotte, the Mister sent me to help ya today 'n throughout ye voyage."

"Oh," I stammered, "that's very kind of him. I had just been wondering how I was going to get my corset on by myself." I chuckled and moved back into the room with her behind me. She helped me into my undergarments and girdle, and then I pointed to the wardrobe. The rest of my luggage had been sent on to the ship, but I had a boarding suit in there specifically for today.

She held it up with a wide smile on her face. "A gift from the Mister, I'm bettin'."

"Why yes, it certainly is. He wanted me to look lovely for the first day of a very long trip." I gazed at it, and the outfit really was very divine. The skirt was long and straight with a matching, sculpted jacket with large, well-crafted lapels. The fabric was an attractive pale pink with lace accents and small, pearl buttons. "He took me to a boutique in London wear a very talented dressmaker from France had set up shop. We had many different gowns made there for me."

"Well Miss, you seem very well taken care of."

"I like to think so… It seems to have slipped my mind to ask earlier, but may I get your name?"

"Ah, it's no problem. The name's Lou, and I'm from Ireland y'know."

I had detected her accent earlier and had been secretly wondering where she was from this whole time, so I was glad she told me. She seemed nice enough. Soon, we managed to get me into my getup, and then I got very excited. "Oh Lou, you must see my hat! It's exquisite!" I scurried over to the hat box resting on the table in the corner of my room. Throwing open the lid, I felt like an overly excited child. I gently lifted and placed the hat onto my head. Next, I went to the mirror to admire myself. The large, off white hat had a slight dip in the brim and small, pink silk flowers that matched my traveling suit. The hat band was comprised of delicate, white lace; it was one of the prettiest objects I had ever owned. I continued looking into the mirror, and I couldn't help but think that Lou had done a splendid job of getting me together. I admired the subtle rouge on my cheeks, the slight red lip stain, as well as the tamed looking up do with small curls hanging at the bottom that looked great under my hat.

"It's mighty fine, Miss Charlotte. You look as pretty as a pink flower yourself."

"Well, thank you very much. Perhaps, we should get a move on." Lou and I made our way out of the hotel and towards the R.M.S. Titanic.

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Lou and I began walking towards the crowd waiting to board the ship. I took it all in; I was in awe. I looked over at Lou whose eyes were large saucers gawking at this massive metal creation in front of us. I saw her mouth slightly agape which made me become conscious of mine being open as well. I was amazed by the "Unsinkable Ship"; it rose from the water to the sky. The four super large smoke stacks towered above the top deck. I couldn't believe that I was about to become a passenger on her maiden voyage.

I took my place in line for First Class passenger tickets to board. Lou had disappeared somewhere to drop off a few things for me, and I suddenly felt very lonely. Unexpectedly, a booming female voice startled me from my inner solitude. I turned to see a large woman with fiery red hair brigading towards me. I stared, even though I knew it impolite, because she was one of the first women I had even known to seem so commanding, powerful, and in charge of herself.

"Hello there little Missy, we seem to be two of the only women here without male accompaniments." She spoke to me in accent that seemed clearly southwestern United States or some whereabouts.

"Ah, so we are." I smiled pleasantly at her, and I decided that she would make a nice acquaintance to have.

"You seem too pretty to be alone. Where's your fella'?" Her frankness was a breath of fresh hair; every other woman I knew was so roundabout with their curiosity.

"We're boarding separately as I'm to meet him on board. May I ask why you're travelling with no escort?"

"I find travelling more appealing when I can be completely free of any ties. Know what I mean?"

"I would like to say that I do. However, I cannot. Being on my own has always been a bit scary to me; even today I have been overwhelmed since my servant left me."

"Well Girl, just stick with 'ole Molly Brown and you'll be just fine." She smiled and stuck her arm around my shoulders. She was unlike any other woman I had ever met. I laughed to myself thinking of how she seemed to defy every social standard befitting of a woman. I enjoyed it, seeing as I hadn't been raised with these restraints my whole life either.

My laughter died away, but Molly didn't notice. The line had curved so that I could now see the gangway. There he was making his way along it with a beautiful redhead on his arm, and another older woman behind them. She was impeccably dressed in a suit much like my own and a grand hat, too. Of course he was dapper as always in a bowler hat and a tan suit. They were all chatting. Then the girl on his arm said something, he laughed and shook his head. I couldn't help, but feel a small pang in my heart. I had wanted to be next to him; nevertheless, I had to remember the arrangement I had agreed to. It just felt different actually viewing them together.

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**So what did you think about my first chapter? Reviews with your thoughts are always appreciated. I hoped you liked it. Stick with my story, please. I promise I'll try not to disappoint.**

**I love you. Believe **

** Sincerely,**

** Courtney Daisy**


	2. I've Laughed

**So, if you're reading this you've made me very happy. **

**Well, so here we are, moving on to Chapter 2. I hope you like it. **

**This chapter may go a bit slow, but the next one will be more informative. **

**Enjoy. **

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Then, they disappeared into the dark opening of the ship. I stood for a second a bit winded. For some reason, seeing the two of them evoked so much emotion that I could almost say it tired me. Nevertheless, I was excited to enter this ship of dreams. Molly started moving forward, and I was compelled to continue as well.

"Hey Honey, you never told me your name or where you're from?"

"Ah! So I haven't. My name is Charlotte Carter. I've actually been living in England since my mother took us there when I was fourteen, but I was born in Pennsylvania."

"Well, what're you doing heading back to America?"

"I'm actually going to Pittsburgh for my love. That's where he's from." I couldn't help but smile; I was in love.

"Too be young and in love is certainly a marvelous thing. So, why're you two boardin' at different times?"

"He just had…previous engagements to attend to." The last part rolled off my tongue; lies had always been a part of my life. Even though, I still felt bad lying to Molly. Here I was being fake to one of the realest women I had ever met.

"Hmmm, I'll go with that." She said with a wink and grin. I couldn't help to wonder if she knew, but I just smiled and nodded. At that moment, a crew member waved us over. We showed him our boarding passes and made our way up the gangway.

Upon entering, I was star struck yet again. The inside was even more spectacular than the outside. The walls were stained mahogany wood, and the floors looked to be solid marble. There were gilded wall sconces; clearly, someone had paid such incredible attention to detail. Everything was spot-on. Molly looked at me and whispered, "How's this for opulent and over the top?"

"I think it's perfect. Molly, I think I've just fallen in love with a ship." A crew member who had been approaching us chuckled

"You're a bit too late. Her creator, Mr. Thomas Andrews, has already claimed her love." I blushed; I hadn't expected someone else to hear me. "Anyways, can I see your boarding passes and I can lead you to your suites?" We showed him our paper cards. He beckoned us to follow him and let us know that Molly's room was on the way.

"Charlotte, you know where my cabin is. Don't be a stranger now, y'hear?"

"Of course, we will most definitely be seeing one another again." We parted with smiles. I continued walking looking at the back of the worker's head. After Molly left, the sinking feeling of being alone began to creep back in. I wondered where Lou was; surely, she'd find her way. As I walked, I passed an open cabin door and within was that stunning Redhead. I quickly turned away to find the man holding the door right down the hall open for me. I was in shock that I was to stay right next to them, but I continued in.

The room I walked into was more than a room. There was a large sitting area as well as a wooden desk. I could see through an open door a pristine bathroom. Therefore, I could imagine that behind the only other door was the bedroom. I waltzed towards it and was surprised by what I found when I opened it. There stood Lou unpacking my luggage trunks. I gave a big smile, delighted to see her, "Hello."

"Isn't this a wonderful place? I wouldn't be able to imagine something more pretty even in my dreams." She beamed gesturing around the room. There was a large, plush bed in the center of the room and to the side there was a huge window bordered by ornate drapery. There were also two twin wardrobes and a wooden vanity that matched the bed. I went to the window and viewed the ocean. The sun was rising higher into the sky. I glanced at the pretty gold-accented clock; it was half past eleven.

"Lou, have you heard what time we are to depart? I was very much hoping to go and wave as we set sail."

"I believe we leave at noon, Miss."

"Oh goodness, then we better hurry and unpack."

"You go, and I'll stay and finish." She spoke while laughing.

"No no, you can't miss out. Plus, it'd be no fun alone up there with a bunch of strangers." I giggled and began to help put clothing away.

"I can honestly say, I've never had a mistress quite like you before."

"Let's just say, I can relate to you more than you know. I didn't grow up having everything handed to me." She gave me a quizzical look and hurriedly continued to stow away my many dresses.

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We reached the upper deck, and it seemed so did everyone else on the ship. I saw a small open area on the banister overlooking the port. I grabbed Lou's hand and ran for the gap. We reached the spot giggling like school girls. I mean I had only just turned 20, and Lou looked a few years younger than me. We looked over and could see people down below. The ship's ropes that held us to dock were being undone. I looked up and smoke began to fume from the funnels. It was all so exciting and new. Lou and I were all smiles as we excitedly waved away to all those left on the mainland. The ship made it out of the Southampton Harbor with only one close call, and we gradually picked up speed.

I was still full of energy, but I had to remember myself, and what was expected of ladies from the upper class. "I guess it would be customary for me to begin getting ready for the evening?"

"It sure is, and is it goin' to take awhile. I'll have to make your hair higher and much more elaborate for dinner time."

"Shall we get started?" I held out my arm.

"We shall." She wrapped her arm in mine, and we began to move back inside the ship. Disapproving glances were shot our way. I knew I was acting out of class by fraternizing with my staff, but what they didn't know was that I was not very different from her at all.

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Once back in the cabin, Lou went to work. She piled my naturals curls high onto my head. I had heard of other women using horse hair to make their hair bigger, but luckily I had very voluminous hair so that I did not need to mess with such a thing. I pointed her to my diamond and emerald encrusted hair pins which she strategically placed to adorn my hair beautifully. She powdered my face, added more rouge, and darkened my lip stain. When I viewed myself in my hand mirror, I smiled. I had always thought it uncanny how my light brown hair matched my eyes perfectly; they were the exact same color.

Next, I showed Lou which dress I planned to wear for the night. I chose an impressive deep green silk to match the emeralds scattered throughout my hair. The sheer overlay was a lighter shade of green, and it had elaborate beading, especially on the loose hanging sleeves. Four small tassels decorated the front, and there was also a short train that was also beaded. As Lou was securing me into the dress, there was a heavy knock at the door. My heart jumped.

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**Thanks for reading once again. Let me know what you thought, just hit the review button below. I love you all. :) Believe :)**

** Sincerely,**

** Courtney Daisy**


	3. State My Case

**Thank you, thank you, and thank you!**

**I'm so thankful that you're reading my story.**

**Get ready for this chapter!**

**Back story anyone? Well at least part of it.**

**Enjoy. **

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"Miss Charlotte, who could that be? Just a moment, I'll go get the door." She finished adjusting the hem of my dress and exited the bedroom.

I, on the other hand, knew exactly who it was. He would surely know which cabin was mine. He had paid for it, and it seemed that he had purposely had it situated beside his own. I looked around the room. I didn't want him to walk into me just waiting for him; I wanted to appear interesting. I thought of the mirror, but that would just make me seem vain. I heard footsteps approaching. I quickly positioned myself gazing out the window with the setting sun shining through just perfectly onto my face. The door opened, but I continued to pretend to be deep in thought.

"Charlotte? It's me." My heart began beating faster at his voice. I felt as if the flush creeping up my neck would betray me. Still, I continued to keep my eyes focused on the window. His steps began to work their way across the room towards me. Next thing I knew, he was standing behind me, had wrapped his arms around my tiny waist, and his breath was upon my ear. "Oh, how I've missed you, my Charlie girl." He turned me around to face him. I looked into his deep brown eyes and melted. I fell into him, hugging him tight. When he squeezed me back, it felt just so right.

We stood there embracing for awhile. He rubbed his hands up and down my back. I loved being in his arms; it was so warm. Then, I looked back up to his face and spoke, "I've been longing to be back in your arms, Cal." As my words finished, he pulled me in and kissed my forehead gently.

"I'm sorry that I've had to…well, you know. Be with them." He looked away as he said it.

"I saw you with them. What's her name?" I sat on the bed and occupied my eyes with a loose string on the embroidered bed spread.

"Her name is Rose Dewitt Bukater, and we're also travelling with her widowed mother Ruth." His voice sounded a bit distant, as if the question had pulled more thoughts to his mind.

"Well, she's just beautiful, like a porcelain doll."

"Yes, it's true that she is, but she can have such an attitude," I looked up at him, and he moved closer to me. He took my face into his hands, "and that, my dear, is a problem you never have. There is nothing I detest more than a woman with a terrible attitude."

"I understand that, but do you...care for her more than me?" I could see in his face that I was beginning to test his patience. He always did seem to have such a short temper.

"Charlie, you know you mean the world to me. Haven't I shown you that?" He whispered in a surprisingly gentle voice.

"I know. You certainly have taken care of me." I replied, and I began to remember all the lovely gestures he had done for me since we met six months ago.

I had been just a working girl, and he had fled to England hoping to escape his overbearing father's wrath. We met, and I consoled him. He told me about how his father had told him that he had an old friend who had died, that his father wanted them to help out the family his friend had left behind, but then Cal had found out what his father wanted him to do. Nathan Hockley had want Cal to marry the daughter of his dead friend to cure the debts his friend left them with and to save their family from disgrace and ruin. When Caledon had refused, his father had let him know that his inheritance was gone until he had married the daughter. Cal and I spent two wonderful months together; he shared with me that I made him forget his father and their problems. I moved into his hotel room, and he began buying me all kinds of nice things. It was blissful, till Cal started running low on cash. He telegraphed his father, whom agreed only to send money if Cal went along with his own wishes.

So, he sent the money along with the two women. Cal paid for me to have my own hotel room, and I began to see less of him. He came to my door every so often with a luxurious gift of some type, and we'd spend the night together just like old times, but our reality was always the same. The next morning, I'd have to watch the love of my life leave to go to his new fiancée. When we were together, he would complain about her for lengths at a time; it always felt like he was supposed to just be mine. A few more months passed, and Cal's father sent word that Cal must return back to Pittsburgh to marry the girl. I had cried asking Cal what I was to do if he left me. Then, he came up with an idea for me to make the journey back, so we could continue to be together even if he did have to marry the other woman. He made it clear to me that I was the one he loved, but the only way our agreement could work was if we kept our relationship a secret.

So, we travelled to Southampton. Of course, Cal went with the two women and paid for me to follow not far behind. He put me up in the same hotel as him there whilst we waited to set sail for America. He purchased everyone's passages in First Class upon the Titanic. He and the others were to make the voyage in a three bedroom luxury suite, and I was to go along in a one bedroom stateroom. Now, here we were, he and I, in my cabin; all I longed for was him. I didn't care where the Dewitt Bukaters were at that moment; Cal being by my side was all that mattered.

"Hey, what's My Girl thinking about?" His hands were still on my cheeks, and his eyes were burning into mine.

"I was only thinking about us." I smiled at him, and his mouth crept into a smile, as well. He was amazingly attractive. It was hard to hold myself back sometimes.

"I've been thinking about us a lot, too. You're always on my mind." He pulled me up from the bed. "Now, how about dinner, I hope you are hungry."

"I'm starved. I haven't eaten a thing all day. Let's go." I grabbed his hand and headed for the door, but then he jerked me back.

"We have to have a plan to tell people at dinner of who you are and how we know one another." I could see his brain at work. The realization that it wasn't going to be just Cal and I for dinner was hard to handle, and it hurt that I was going to have to be disguised as someone else. He snapped his fingers and looked back at me, "I've got it! You're an old friend travelling back to see family in Pittsburgh that I've run into, and I insisted that you join our group for the remainder of the trip."

"Okay, that works." I muttered unenthusiastically.

"Cheer up, Charlie. You're aboard the most wonderful ship the world has ever had the pleasure of seeing." He pinched my cheek; he knew it always made me laugh. It didn't fail this time either as I giggled at him. "That's a girl." He laced his arm around my waist, and we made our way. As we passed through the sitting room, he snapped his fingers in the air and ordered Lou to have a plentiful amount of drinks for when we made our way back to the room at the end of the night. I shot him a glance; I was happy he planned to spend more time with me, yet I didn't enjoy him speaking to Lou that way. However, he either ignored the look or didn't see it.

Once we reached the hall, we began walking more appropriately, arm in arm rather than his arm around my waist. As he complimented me on my dress, I couldn't help but feel rather odd. I was rather intimidated about the dinner I was on my way to. I had no friends there, except Cal. Though, I was sure he would be catering to his fiancée and her mother. This was all so odd, and I questioned what I had gotten myself into.

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**I hope this chapter allowed you to understand Cal and Charlotte's relationship better. I also hope you decide to let me know what you think with a review. I love you and thanks for reading. :) Believe :)**

** Sincerely, **

** Courtney Daisy**


	4. More Than I Could Chew

**Hello again, my friends.**

**A special thank you to ****CatalynMJ88**** and ****gingerandproud**** for making my story a favorite. **

**Also, thanks ****FaithGledhill**** for the review. **

**The email alerts made me smile very big. **

**Well, let's enter dinner time on the titanic…**

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We began descending down the remarkable Grand Stair case, and oh my, it was a piece of art within itself. I noted to myself that it would be a sin not to compliment The Mr. Andrews if I ever had the pleasure of meeting him. I carefully watched the hem of my dress as I took my steps downward, but I also took the time to survey the beautiful people down below. Everyone was dressed to the nines; men in their black, tailed coats, and women in the most ostentatious gowns and jewelry they owned. This was the difference between the First Class and working people; they used clothing to cement their wealth and social-standing among those around them. A woman's dress was not meant to only cover her body, but also to show it off. Of course, corsets were now worn much looser than previous decades, nevertheless, curves were to be admired and strived for. Regarding the jewelry, the more the merrier; women sparkled, both they're clothing and themselves were covered in jewels. I could not imagine a lovelier sight.

Then I realized, I was one of these well-dressed socialites now. I was on the arm of one of the most dashing gentlemen in the room, and Cal had made sure each of my gowns was fit for royalty. He was funny like that; he always referred to himself as the closest thing to American royalty that existed. I wondered to myself if that made me a queen, but then it hit me. No, Rose was the future queen. I was just to be the king's mistress. This realization had a very negative effect. The room seemed to grow smaller, and I wanted to turn and run back up the stairs. However, I had to remember where I was. If I was to make a spectacle of myself here, then I would not live it down while aboard this vessel. News of my loss of sanity would travel throughout these people faster than a wildfire during a drought.

"Remember the plan, and, please, Charlotte just smile." Cal had bent his head closer to mine and was whispering out of the corner of his mouth. Then, his smile was back, he stood straighter, and he picked up our pace. We were approaching the two Dewitt Bukater women and an attractive, although graying man. My mouth became dry as my stomach seemed to be contracting on itself. With each footstep closer, my heart quickened. I feared that I would pass out right here, but I held myself together. I squeezed Cal's arm tighter.

"Here is my future son-in-law now. Cal, please do tell, who is your guest?" Both women had turned and were eyeing me cautiously.

"This is Miss Charlotte Carter. I ran into her in the hallway to my delight. She's been a close friend since we were just children. She actually tells me that she is on her way to visit family in Pittsburgh, but she has been living in England for the past six years." He was speaking the lie enthusiastically and unashamed.

"How exciting that must have been! I've only visited other countries for months at a time but always must return home, unfortunately." Rose had moved closer to me as she spoke. Her face lightened and darkened with her words; she was so animate which made her all the lovelier. I was so envious of this woman. However, I refused to let it show.

"Well, Cal…I believe you have forgotten to introduce us to the Ms. Carter." Ruth seemed to have a permanent scowl etched across her face.

"Ah yes, Charlotte, this is Ruth and Rose Dewitt Bukater and Mr. Andrews. He is the creator of all this."

"I'm well aware of who Mr. Andrews is." I was excited to be in the presence of such a brilliant man. I stepped forward towards him. "I made a promise to myself to thank you if I ever was to be graced by your presence for making this beautiful ship. You, sir, are amazing." I batted my eyelids and held out my hand.

"I'm delighted ta hear ye like 'r so much. She does make me proud, indeed. Please, call me Thomas." He bent regally and kissed my hand. He spoke much like Lou.

"Mr. Thomas, you must be from Ireland. I can tell from your accent."

"You're very correct, my dear. This here ship was built in Ireland by Irish workers y'know."

"I had always thought she was English?" Smiling at my curiosity, Mr. Andrews leaned forward, and whispered closely into my ear after this question.

"Lass, that's just what her papers say, to my displeasure." He chuckled and took my arm in his asking, "Won't ye do me the pleasure of allowing me to escort ye to dinner?" And with that, the whole group made our way towards the dinner table. I saw that Rose had taken Cal's arm, but it was almost satisfying the way Cal would glance almost jealously at Thomas and I. I giggled to myself, and Thomas decided to join in thinking that I was just overjoyed with the atmosphere.

Soon, I heard my name called by none other than Molly Brown. Thomas and I paused to wait for her to reach us. "Molly, this is Mr. Andrews, the ship's creator." She held out her hand to Thomas.

"Well how do you do? I'm Molly Brown. It is very nice to make the acquaintance of such as man as you." Thomas smiled and nodded. Then, Molly turned back to me and asked, "Charlotte, is this the fella you said you were meeting?" She was grinning very big.

"Oh no, no…" I managed to stammer out. I wasn't sure what to say to her, and I really didn't want her to ask more questions. Without really thinking, I pulled the quickest lie I could from my head, "He got tied up in England and couldn't make it."

"I'm sorry Gal." Molly seemed sorry to have asked the question.

"What a shame for such a pretty girl as you to be left by yer lonesome. Come along, we must eat. Molly, I entreat you to join us."

I piped up at this, "You really must!" Molly laughed heartily and agreed to join us.

At the table, I sat between Thomas and Molly and across from Cal and Rose. The conversation flowed thanks to Molly and Thomas. However, Cal somehow upset Rose and she excused herself saying she needed some fresh hair. Everyone looked expectantly at Cal, and I admit I felt a bit smug when he chose not to go after her. After, there was a slight loll in conversation, but soon we were back in good spirits. Surely, the wine that had been flowing throughout the night played a large part to our good cheer. Well, for everyone except Ruth, she seemed in a perpetual bad mood and left for bed quickly after the end of dinner. Later, Thomas apologized for having to go, but he had business in the bridge to attend to. Molly was the last to leave Cal and I, making a remark about not being as young as she once was.

"It seems to me that we're the last of the group to retire. Let's head back to your cabin to enjoy a nice nightcap." As I rose from the table, Cal winked. I wondered what other plans he had for the night. He very well knew what alcohol did to me.

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**So, possible lemon in the next chapter, let me know if you want one, don't want one, or whatever.**

**Haha! Thanks again for reading. I love you all! :) Believe :)**

** Sincerely,**

** Courtney Daisy**


	5. Cried

**Chapter five time!**

**I would like to thank everyone for reading.**

**There's no lemon in this chapter, thank you AC for letting me know your opinion in your review. I strive to give my readers what they want.**

**So, the rest of you should definitely let me know what you think, too. **

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I fumbled with the key to my room. Cal was next me humming a little tune that was catching, albeit off rhythm. He was in such a gleeful mood, and I caught myself swaying along. I had not seen him like this since before Rose and Ruth had made their journey to England. I wondered what had gotten into him. I hoped it was the fact that I was with him and not the alcohol he consumed throughout the evening. I shoved the key in, except it would not turn. Caledon was getting antsy but in a pleasant manner. He was dancing around me singing my name like a school boy. I moved my head following him with my eyes, laughing the entire time. Then, I started feeling dizzy. As I went to rest my head upon the door, I realized we were attempting to enter the incorrect suite.

"Cal, look at this!" I could hardly speak through my giggles. "We're at the wrong door." _Had I really had this much to drink?_

"Charlie! I can only imagine what the poor people inside are thinking. C'mon now." He yanked the key from the door and pulled me along the hall, now paying close attention to the cabin numbers. "Ah! Here we are my girl." The key easily slid in, and Cal held the door open for me to enter. I stumbled over the threshold still laughing from my earlier accident.

I glanced around the sitting room; Lou was nowhere to be found. I made my way over to a plush loveseat. As I flopped down, I imagined her somewhere flirting with an attractive, young crewman. I smiled at the thought. The clanking of glass brought me back to attention, and I turned my head towards the sound.

"I see you've found the liquor." I tilted my head back and laughed whole heartedly.

"Of course I have, you know me too well to be surprised." He gave a sideways smile and brought me a glass. "Cheers to a fantastic voyage upon the most extravagant ship that money can buy."

"How about here's to a hopefully safe and sound arrival in America?" I raised my glass and it clinked with his. We both poured the liquid down our throats.

"You have nothing to worry about. This is the 'unsinkable' Titanic. Even more, God would never let something happen to his favorite." His last sentence threw me off; I didn't think God worked that way. Cal always did have a weird idea that he was somehow above everyone else on earth. I believed he sensed my displeasure at his comment, because as if to avoid an awkward silence, Cal began walking toward a large wooden cabinet at the far side of the room asking, "Have you opened this up yet?"

"No, I don't believe I have."

"I have an inkling that you will be pleasantly surprised." He carefully pulled open the double doors. An odd sensation came over me as I realized that anytime Cal and I faced anything that remotely resembled unpleasantness; he always managed to have a surprise or gift for me. I didn't want to allow myself to continue this cycle, but the anticipation was too much, and I became energized. I stood trying to get a look around him to view what he was tinkering with, but I couldn't manage a glimpse. He playfully moved side to side to block my view, taunting, "No no, this has got to be a surprise."

"Please, Cal. What are you doing?" Suddenly, he turned around as beautiful up beat music streamed from the music player. He moved towards me questioning, "How do you like this?" He placed his hands on my hips.

"I love it! It's wonderful! I wasn't aware that we had these in our rooms." My body had already begun to feel the beat. My foot was tapping, and I felt the urge to dance.

"Charlie, Caledon Hockley can manage anything with a bit of string pulling. I know how much you enjoy music, and you know how much I love to see you move." He looked my body up and down hungrily.

"I do adore this song. Thank you!" I hugged him tightly, and then twirled backward as he admired my curves.

I let myself fall into the melody. Dancing was my forte. I naturally knew how to move. Moreover, I had watched my mom dance on stage since my dad passed on when I was thirteen. I admired her so much. As a young girl, my dream had been to look as gorgeous as my mother. At sixteen, I joined her for my first show, and my dream became a reality. My mother and I danced together on the stage of a smoke-filled room. The audience cheered for me excitedly. Soon, my life was consumed by dance. It was after a show that I first met Cal. Somehow he caught my eye, apart from everyone else in the crowd. He was magnetic causing me to feel compelled to introduce myself. Since that chance meeting, I had not been back on the stage. He became the only person that I would truly dance with. I found that I enjoyed dancing more when it was just him and I.

My movement slowed as I tired, but Cal was there with more drinks to refresh me. I took and drank gladly. I set the glass down and returned to him. I slipped my arms around his neck, and he pulled me closely and tightly around the waist. I stared up into his eyes. His slicked hair had fallen in the front, giving him a slightly more rugged and less put together look. I bit my lip as I gazed at his handsome features. He smiled strikingly down at me. I returned the smile and placed my head upon his shoulder. We danced for what seemed like ages in the wonderful, warm embrace.

Yet, Cal's arms began to loosen around me, and his mood seemed to darken. I shook my head; I didn't want to deal with one of his spells now. The night had been going so spectacularly. I knew I couldn't reverse his bad temper, but I decided to try once again. He had plopped down upon the loveseat I had been in earlier, so I scooted next to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it in small circles. "What's happened to upset you so?"

"I'm sorry. This was just the first time in awhile that I had been really happy. It brought to my realization of how terrible I've been acting recently." He shook his head as he spoke. I couldn't help, but pity him.

"It's okay. I understand that this forced marriage business has you upset."

"I've acted unforgivably towards Rose. I haven't made any motions to even get to know her. She's to be my wife for Christ sakes!" He was continuing on as if I hadn't spoken. I slumped back listening and disheartened. "I mean, yes, the girl can have a terrible attitude, but I have not taken the time to ask her why. I'd act the same if I was to marry a man acting like myself, too."

"Cal! Listen to yourself! For months, I've listened and comforted you as you complained about this dreadful girl. Now, here you want to get to know her better. What is this? You're not acting like yourself." I had risen to stand by this point. "I can't believe you can do this to me!" I blinked hard to hold back my tears.

As I shouted at Cal, there was urgent knocking at the door. Cal moved his eyes between the door and I conflicted. But then, there was a deep voice from the other side, "Mr. Hockley, it's Lovejoy. Something has happened on deck to young Miss Dewitt Bukater. You're needed urgently." Cal rose and headed straight for the door completely disregarding me. In a last whim of hope, I threw myself at him.

"Stay, I need you. I beg of you to just stay."

"Charlie, be a sport. This is our agreement. What would people think of me if I didn't appear to help my fiancée?" The word fiancee stabbed my heart and made my ears burn. He undid my arms from around him and took yet another step closer to the door. I stood taller and straightened my dress.

"Caledon Hockley, if you walk out of that door, do not bother ever coming back."

"Charlotte, don't be ridiculous. Anyways, I don't have time for this right now. I must get to Rose." With that, he walked through the door and was gone. I stared blankly as the door slowly closed. As I heard the final click, I sunk to floor. The tears were flowing freely. Cal had just left me for Rose. The same Rose he had just admitted wanting to better their relationship. The same relationship that was in the way of my own relationship with Cal. I lied on the floor for some time in shock and disbelief. When I did rise, I went directly for the booze, downing glass after glass.

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**Wow. That got a bit more intense than I had originally planned, but I like it. I hope you do too.**

**Also, I want to make a point to say that Rose has attempted suicide. I was not sure upon which night this actually happened in the movie and could not find it online. Alas, I do not own the video either. Thus, I set in the first night in my story. Please, don't hate me or my story! I really tried to be accurate, but hopefully it doesn't distract so much from the plot that you can't enjoy it.**

**I love you! I hope you love my Fanfic, too.**

** Sincerely,**

** Courtney Daisy**


	6. And Now

**Good day to you all,**

**I want to start out with a special thank you to alwaysbutneverright, TbK, AC, and Heartless-Princess33 for supporting my story.**

**I again want to apologize about any inaccuracies of event timing in my story. Please, don't hate me. **

**Enjoy chapter 6. I'm trying very hard to keep up with the quick updates.**

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Within the night, Lou returned at some point. She had seemed very concerned for me and kept asking what happened. She crouched down next to me in the floor and began stroking my hair. I tried to respond, but no sound would come. I shook my head, leaned into Lou, and cried more tears than I thought should have been left. She soothed and comforted me. Once the tears subsided, she coaxed me to standing and helped me to the bedroom. We managed to get me into my night gown, and she left for a moment. Upon her return, she held a small basin filled with water which she sat on my nightstand. She dipped a rag into the warm water and washed the makeup residue and dried tears from my face. I felt like a sick child being babied by her Mother even if Lou was a few years younger than me. She was just naturally caring and nurturing.

As Lou rose from the edge of my bed, she picked up the basin and said, "Miss, I'll be right outside yer door. If ye ever get to be needin' something, I'll be right here to help ya." She left the room and closed the door gently behind her. I rolled over and gripped one of my extra pillows. I held it close for comfort, and slowly, I drifted away to sleep.

My sleep was fitful and restless. I tossed and turned throughout the night. My dreams were haunted of images of my mother beside my father's grave; she was bending over and crying. I watched the visage of myself at twelve walk over and place my hand on her back. I told her, "It's all right, Mama. Don't you see that now he can't hurt us anymore?" She had look up at me with an eerily creepy smile and beckoned me to come closer. I held my arms out and moved in for an embrace. Instead of the hug I had been expecting, my mother grabbed me shoving my head toward the ground. I braced myself for the painful contact, but I kept moving through the ground. I floated into a bone-chillingly cold, black space. I heard so many crying and yelling; it was chaos. Yet, I saw nothing, until the image of my mother's face pale with blue lips floating in black water with her blonde hair framing out from around her face joined me in the dark place. I cried out for her and awoke sobbing; my body shaking.

I slowly cracked my eyes open and could not tell what time it was. The room remained dark, but the heavy curtains had been closed blocking any sunlight. I attempted to roll over to see the clock. My body felt weak, and even this slightest of movements caused my head to throb. My throat was parched and felt like sandpaper when I attempted to swallow. My eyes focused, and I realized it was past 9 o'clock. I knew I needed to be getting ready for breakfast, but I did not want to face Cal. I sighed and pulled the covers up over my head. I had no choice; I had to go. I called for Lou. At first, I feared she would not hear my faint voice muffled by the fabric, but I soon heard her light footsteps enter the room. I heard the drapes as Lou pulled them back. I slowly poked my head out to be blinded by the bright lighting of an early morning sun at sea. I groaned as the pain in my head increased.

"Oh dear, I don't mean to be offensive, but ye look affright."

"I can only imagine. Could you fetch me a cup of water?"

"Of course, I can, just one moment." She nodded her head and spun on her heel to exit. I propped myself up straighter with the pillows; as I did so, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the vanity mirror. Lou had been correct; I did look a mess. I had never undone my hair the previous night, so now it sat lopsided atop my head. Sleeping had made it become very frizzy and large, while some pieces were stuck by sweat to my forehead. I did not look forward to attempting to brush this out. Lou returned, and I gulped the water down. It soothed my throat, but I only felt minimally better.

"Lou, I think I want to wear my baby blue day dress. It is the least constricting gown that I own, and I need any comfort I can get today." I watched as she carefully removed it from the armoire and brought it my direction. When I stood from the bed, my eyesight became blurry as my headache grew worse. I supported myself on Lou's shoulder.

"Ms. Carter, are ye sure ye fine?"

"Oh yes, I just didn't get much sleep last night and need some food." I attempted to reassure her, but her face remained doubtful. We, eventually, did get me dressed. The taming of my hair took some time and painful brushing, but by the end I looked presentable. I decided to wear my pearl necklace. My puffy and red eyes were the only giveaway to last night. Of course, my throbbing head was a constant reminder to myself as well. "Please, if you ever see me begin to drink like that again, stop me."

"I promise to try. I don't mean to pry, and I certainly don't want to overstep boundaries, but did ye do that because of the Mister? Did you see him with that redheaded woman, too?"

"Ah, you are perceptive. However, it is a bit more complicated than I would care to explain." I looked at her compassionately. I did not want to answer her questions, but I appreciated that she cared.

"It may not be of any consolation, but I think yer ten times prettier than her. She has no dignity to mess up such a happy relationship. The girl has no pride." I looked down at my hands and sadly shook my head. How very little Lou knew.

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I entered the first class dining saloon. I found Molly Brown and decided to join her. As I sat across from her, she let out a long whistle. "Shoot, it looks like you had a bit too much to drink." She chuckled a bit.

"I certainly did not monitor my intake last night, that's for sure." I added a little laugh at the end to sound convincing. Her face became more serious as she leaned closer. I feared she was going to ask more about my bloodshot eyes.

"Have you heard about young Rose?"

"Something happened on deck with her is all I know." I uttered this nonchalantly with a little shrug of my shoulders. I could care less to hear about Ms. DeWitt Bukater at this moment.

"It appears that she almost fell from the ship last night."

"Almost fell you say, how so?"

"The story is that she was found on the ground with a young man from steerage atop her. When Cal reached the scene with his man, Lovejoy, they were prepared to have the boy arrested. Then, Rose came out with the fact that this young man had saved her life. Apparently, she had been leaving far over to glimpse the propellers, but almost tumbled overboard. Fortunately, this Jack Dawson fella was there to catch her just in time."

"Goodness me, you would think Rose would know to be more careful." Regardless of my situation, thinking about what could have happened to the 17 year old chilled me through.

"I would have thought the same. Of course, maybe she is, in fact, smart enough to not fall overboard…" She trailed off and lowered her voice, "but maybe, she's sad enough to want to jump off the ship."

"Molly, my god, do you really think so?" My jaw dropped at her allegations.

"All I'm saying is last night the girl looked dead inside. She ran off from dinner upset. Now, she's had a near falling overboard incident? It all just paints a picture in my head." She leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms. " And, it is not a pretty picture. I'm just worried about this girl, Charlotte."

"Hmmm, it does seem very plausible." Even more believable to me, because I knew for a fact that she was going through trying times with Cal. I was so split on how to feel. Part of me was of afraid for Rose's life, but I wanted Cal to myself. I didn't want him to try to work to make her happy; I wanted to be the only woman he was worried about.

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**What'd you think? Let me know.**

**I love you all. Keep reading.**

**:) Believe :)**

** Sincerely,**

** Courtney Daisy**


	7. To Say The Things

**Okay, so it's been a little while since my last chapter.**

**I'm sorry!**

**I just had a lot coming up and got real busy, but I'm going to get back on it quickly.**

**Thanks for all my subscribers and CatalynMJ88 for the very thoughtful review. AC, I attempted to make this chapter longer for you.**

**Chapter 7! Ready?**

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"Molly, I thank you for allowing me to join you for such a wonderful breakfast." Every meal had been superb aboard the Titanic, and this nice meal with Molly had made me feel much better.

"Oh, it was nice to have some company. Now, are you goin' to tell me more about this Man business and how those puffy, red eyes have to do with it?" She asked this with a twinkle in her eye. I knew she meant this with no malicious intent, but I couldn't tell her anything. I was not ready to try to explain the situation I was in, nor did I think Cal would want me airing our dirty laundry. I dabbed at my pursed mouth with my napkin and scooted my chair away from the table.

"I really must be going. I hope to see you around the ship later. You must fill me in on any news you hear of young Rose." I gave her a nod and headed for the dining room exit. I heard Molly call from behind me, but I refused to turn and go back.

"Come on, Charlotte! Don't be like that! I didn't mean no harm by it…" It was too late. She trailed off as I rounded the corner set on getting back to my cabin as quickly as possible.

"Oomph…" Mr. Andrews groaned as I ran straight into his chest causing his black notebook to clatter to the floor.

"Mr. Andrews! I'm dreadfully sorry. I must have been so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't see," I fretted and bent to pick up his notebook for him, "Sir, please forgive me."

"Lass, you're fine. You should really just make sure you pay more attention before you hurt yourself." He reached for his notebook, and his gaze caught mine. His face changed as he took in my bloodshot eyes. I blushed quickly looking away to the floor and fidgeted with my hands.

"I surely will."

"Miss, I told ye to call me Thomas. Where were you off to in such a hurry?"

"I'm not really sure." I stammered.

"Well then, what has made ye so upset? I can tell from your face, so don't try to deny it."

"I'm just overwhelmed. That's all, Thomas."

"How about you come with me to the bridge? I need to speak with Captain Smith, and the new experience might cheer you up. I hate to see ye sad. Yer much too pretty to be so troubled."

"I suppose I could manage that." I gave a pretty little smile and took the arm he offered me. I felt important strolling the halls with this man. He was the architect of the ship, after all.

We entered the bridge and I looked around. There were all kinds of knobs, buttons, and other important gadgets. Thomas pulled me toward a man. He was clearly distinguishable as the captain due to his white and navy uniform and matching hat. His hair was all white, and the wrinkles on his weathered face made him appear wise. The man recognized Thomas, and his face became cheery as he smiled.

"Thomas, my good fellow, I've been wanting to speak with you."

"Good mornin' to ye, Mr. Smith. This here is Ms. Charlotte Carter whom I've had the pleasure of making her acquaintance during this voyage."

"Well hello, Ms. Carter. What brings you here to the bridge?"

"Mr. Andrews insisted that I must see it, and I must say that it is quite dazzling with all the switches and such. I would be lost if I was in such an important position as you, Captain." My comment flattered the Captain, and his smile broadened.

"It isn't too much work. Of course, I've been sailing for many years now. This is my final crossing."

"That must be spectacular, to sail your final passage upon the greatest ship on earth's maiden voyage, how wonderful!" I spoke enthusiastically.

"Yes, I suppose it is. Now, feel free to look around, but I must speak with Mr. Andrews now." He tipped his hat at me. He and Thomas wandered over to have a discussion. I took his advice and walked around admiring the room. I overheard bits and pieces of their conversation. They were disputing slightly over something. I knew it had to do with the engines. I became more curious and wound my way closer. I listened more closely. It seemed that Mr. Andrews was advising Captain Smith to not go full speed. I gazed out a window at the water rushing by. I thought we were going plenty fast enough, but I still was confused about what the problem would be if we were to go faster.

Mr. Andrews pulled me from my thoughts, and I bid farewell to the kind Captain Smith. Thomas walked me as far as First Class cabin halls, but, regretfully informed me that he had official business to attend to and that he must leave me here. I gave him a hug goodbye. As we parted ways, I thought of my mother. We had spoken very little in the past few months since Cal had entered my life. Suddenly, I missed her very much and decided to write her a letter. I began walking towards my cabin and saw Lou making her way towards me. I called out to her.

"Dear Lou, where are you heading to?" She paused when she reached me. She appeared to be furious. "Did something happen?"

"Don't worry. Sometimes the Mister can just rub me the wrong way."

"What did he do?"

"Just now, he pretended not to recognize me when I approached him with a question."

"That's very odd. Maybe he really was confused?"

"I don't know, Miss. I don't know." Then, the older DeWitt Bukater whirled by us without even a hello. I watched as she stomped down the hall and entered the suite she shared with Cal and Rose. Lou shook her head.

"Well, I didn't mean to keep you. I'm sure you were off to rendezvous with an attractive steward." I winked, and she blushed which made me laugh.

"Maybe… His name is Anderson."

"Goodness, Lou. I see you're enjoying your trip." I was snickering. "I'm going to write a letter in my cabin, but do remember to return in time to help me dress for dinner."

"Of course I will, Miss Charlotte."

We continued on in our separate directions. It brightened my day to know that Lou had found a way to enjoy herself. I almost felt the urge to skip down the hall. I slowed when I heard yelling from the DeWitt Bukater's door. I stood and pretended to be fumbling with my bootlaces as I eavesdropped.

"No! Mother, don't you get it? He's not interested in marrying me." That must've been Rose.

"Hush and calm yourself. You're engaged to be married." Ruth's voice came out very unkind and commanding.

"He loves me no more than I love him."

"That will come in time."

"Can't you see that I'm not interested in marrying him? I don't want to be tied down to him. He's unhappy as am I. Mother, I want to be free."

"Rose, do you want to see me a poor seamstress?"

"Well, no…" Rose's willpower seemed to be diminishing.

"You know why you must marry Caledon. All your father left us with was a good name shadowing unpaid debt. We will fall to ruin; our name will be disgraced."

"This just isn't fair."

"Stop with your complaining. We're very fortunate that the Hockleys have arranged for this marriage." I scurried off into my room when I heard footsteps begin to approach the door.

I sighed as I closed my door behind me. I almost felt bad for Rose due to her horrible mother. She knew Cal wasn't interested in marrying her. I began to fantasize about Cal telling Rose that it wouldn't work and coming to me. I wanted to be the new Mrs. Hockley. I glanced over the room and seeing the desk reminded me of the letter. I retrieved paper and began writing:

_Dear Mother,_

_ I miss you so much. It has been much too long since we have last spoken. The truth is, I have been afraid to attempt contact with you. I didn't want to hear you tell me that I betrayed you for a man, but I had a feeling you had felt that way. I know I left suddenly and without warning. You must have been so worried, and I am sorry for that._

_ However, I must say that the man I met that night after dancing is amazing. He's an upper-class gentleman from America. I know you warned me about those types. In some ways, you were correct. He does keep me a secret, but not because he doesn't love me. You see, he's being forced into an engagement with some lady. He would choose me over her if he could, though. Yet, in other ways, you were very wrong. Cal (that's what I call him) took me shopping and bought me so many nice things. He taught me the ways of the rich. Even now, I'm aboard the RMS Titanic passing off as one of them._

_ I had a terrifying dream about you last night. It was chilling to see your dead body floating in black water. It gave me a sense of foreboding about this voyage, even though I know this ship is unsinkable. Sometimes, I can just be so silly. Anyways, I hope you are safe and in good health. I'm going to be living in Pittsburgh from now on. Maybe one day you can come and visit me. I would like that very much. We need to catch up. After Daddy died, we became so close. I feel sad not being around you all the time now. We may not have always seen eye-to-eye, but you were an amazing Mother. You tried with all your might to raise me right, and I hope I haven't made you regret any of your parenting. Well, I must be going now._

_ With love always,_

_ Charlotte_

_P.S. I do not believe I can mail this from the ship, but I will send it first thing when we arrive in New York. _

I sat back and reread the letter I had just written. I felt pained when I thought about how we had parted on not so great of terms. We rarely argued, but she had been concerned about me being hurt by the stranger I was getting involved with. I didn't mean to leave her upset. I just felt like Cal was my soul mate, and I would do anything for love. Of course, they were times throughout this voyage I questioned my choice. I barely ever saw Cal, and he had run off last night. I had forgiven him; I missed him, even. I was excitedly waiting dinner to see him. Maybe we'd sneak away so we could chat. I imagined him somewhere else in this floating city; I pictured that he was thinking of me and how much he adored me. After all, he had told me to begin with that he loved me more than Rose. I decided to pretend to ignore the comments he made last night about working it out with her. He had just had too much to drink. I'd put it out of my mind that he left me last night for her. It made sense now that he did need to check on her. Especially, since I found out that she had almost fallen…or jumped off the ship.

I put the paper away in the desk drawer and went to the bedroom. I closed the heavy curtains and lay down upon the bed. I hadn't recognized how tired I was, but I quickly fell fast asleep.

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**I hope this chapter didn't feel to slow to anyone. After the next chapter, the story really picks up.**

**I hope you love this as much as I do.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**:) Believe :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	8. There Were Times

**Hello again.**

**I hope I'm not disappointing anyone, but this chapter contains some sexual content. It isn't pointless; I promise. It's to help with later in the story. **

**I love you. Reviews?**

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I awoke to rapid knocking at my door. I looked around groggily and hoped that maybe Lou had returned by now. After realizing that she was not going to get the door, I stood and stretched. I glanced into the vanity mirror and smoothed away a few flyaway strands of hair. I walked towards the door of the cabin wondering who it could be.

I opened the door and in burst Cal. He grabbed my tiny waist in his large hands shoving me back into the room. He kicked the door closed with his foot and planted his lips on mine. He deepened the kiss passionately. I drew closer to him, and his hands ran up and down my back. He nuzzled his face into my neck and began kissing it. I took the chance to catch my breath.

"Cal, what is this?" I asked breathlessly. He pulled away from my neck and looked me in my eyes.

"I just missed you."

"What about last night? Should we talk about it?"

"I'm sorry, okay?" I knew that I wanted a bigger apology than that, but it just was not his way. I loved him. I wanted everything good between us, so I nodded my head in acknowledgement. "Come on, you really aren't still upset are you? I thought you were smarter than that."

"Smarter than what, Cal? Any woman would have been hurt watching their man run off to another woman." I muttered. I was surprised that I was actually sticking up for myself. I had usually always given in to Cal quickly. I feared that he would be upset with me. My compliance was a trait of mine he loved so dearly.

"I just meant that I figured you would be able to understand that I was bound by social expectations to be there."

"Still, I just constantly wish for more time with you. I want us to be together always."

"So do I. Why do you think I've went to so much trouble to bring you to America with me?" He moved closer caressing my face. His eyes were gazing at me sweetly, and I gave in, as always, to his words.

"You're right. I guess I get so frustrated only because I love you so much."

"I think you need some more reassurance of my love for you." He winked and beckoned for me to follow him to the bedroom.

Once in the seclusion of my private bedroom, Cal gingerly undressed me from my layers of dressings. He moved back to my lips kissing me softly. I knew it would not stay gentle for long. Cal's personality in and outside of the bedroom proved dominating. He became ferocious in his arousal. He pushed me against the wall moving his body up against mine. He tossed me upon the bed and had his way with devouring my body. After finishing, he fell to the bed beside me; both of us were panting after our little tryst. He turned my face toward him. I admired his long, muscled naked body lying next to me. He propped himself up on one arm and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you, Charlotte. I've missed this. I've missed us." I smiled and batted my eyelashes in agreement. "You aren't still upset right? Do you understand how much I love you now?"

"Yes, you are forgiven, but it doesn't mean I like _her_." I laughed a tiny bit at my own envy.

"You are aware that what happened last night was very serious; Rose could have been killed." I rolled my eyes at the mention of her name. I turned over away from him.

"Rose, Rose, Rose… You're with me right now Caledon Hockley. Worry about me!"

"Please, I'm sorry. I just was letting you know. Look at me." I kept my back towards him, but then, I fell into his pleading voice again. He could be so manipulative. I always gave in. He whimpered sadly, "Charlie?" causing me to roll back around to him.

"I know. I'm a bit ridiculous, aren't I?"

"Eh, you can be. I love you all the same though." He jokingly shook his head. I scooted closer to him. He stroked my hair and looked up at the ceiling in thought.

"What's on your mind?"

"You know, dinner is soon."

"Yea, I don't think I really want to go tonight. I'll probably have Lou arrange a meal within my room. Hey! How about you join me in here? Just you and I, wouldn't that be just splendid?" I became so enthusiastic about my idea, but that faded when I saw his face become more serious.

"I can't do that. I'm expected to be at the dinner table with my fiancée. It would just be unacceptable." I let out a sigh of disappointment.

"Well then, I'll miss you while I eat alone." He grabbed my hand and spoke urgently.

"Charlie, I do not think you understand how much I need you. I want to be able to look across the table from me to you seated there. I want to exchange those comforting smiles and glances. I _need _you at dinner, especially tonight."

"Why do you feel like you need me so bad tonight?"

"Rose is bringing the young man who saved her life. I don't like him. I don't trust him."

"Why not?"

"He's just a boy from steerage looking to move up in the world." He saw that I was taken aback and quickly added, "He had his boots off, Charlotte. If she was falling, how did he have time to remove his shoes? He was going to assault my Rose. I just fail to reason why she would try to protect him." His Rose?

"Don't be so dumb, Cal. Clearly, she would not protect her possible rapist. There's obviously some other explanation."

"Whatever, I plan to keep a close eye out around him." My agitation over his concern for her grew.

"Cal, feel free to leave. I'm attending dinner tonight, but not for you. I must go to give some thanks to Mr. Andrews. I need to dress now. Goodbye."

Not long after he left, Lou appeared. She had a glow about her, and I could tell the sea air did her well. We chatted briefly about her whimsical romance aboard, but soon it was time to ready for dinner. I decided I wanted to look extra special tonight. I just felt like looking pretty; every girl had a day like that once in awhile. I chose my most exquisite gown. It was a gold satin with a cinched waist and overlapping skirt. The sleeves consisted of black lace overlay, and a matching black lace flower adorned the skirt adding a bit of detail. Lou managed to turn my hair into a beautifully styled tower and clipped in a large black flower hair clip near my ear.

"Oh, I do think the Mister will find you quite ravishing tonight."

"I do hope so." I made my lips redder than usual and admired myself. The lips complimented the gold and black very well.

"How about wearing these black gloves?"

"Let me try them." I rolled them up past my elbows and was very pleased. I thanked Lou and walked towards First Class Dining.

Walking down the grand staircase, I was intimidated to enter this fray of well-dressed, rich people. Last night, Cal had been with me. Now, I was alone. Luckily, I caught Thomas out of the corner of my eye. I quickly headed in his direction. He was speaking with a tall, slender man and a much younger woman who appeared to be with child. Thomas must have heard me approaching and turned smiling.

"Well, if it isn't Ms. Charlotte Carter herself. This is Mr. and Mrs. Astor."

"Hello, how do you do?" I shared smiles and handshakes with them, but then another couple entered and began a conversation with the Astors. Thomas and I backed away.

"She's a young one isn't she? That's his new wife. And pregnant! Goodness!" He spoke to me in confidence. I laughed at the scandals of the rich; they thought they were so high and mighty, but really, they were no better than any working people.

As we approached the table, I noticed a new, sandy blonde male head I had not seen before. He sat on one side of Rose and Cal the other. I sat across the table from them. I studied his face; he was certainly young but handsome. The way he and Rose interacted caused me to sense a hidden chemistry.

"Please, may we toast to Mr. Jack Dawson. As many of you know, he saved my life last night." Rose held her glass up and spoke in a voice full of admiration.

Dinner continued course after course. Jack was the subject of much of the meal. We learned he was a travelling artist who had been all over Europe. This brought about clucks of disapproval and smiles of interests from those around the table. He spoke of how he was born in Wisconsin, made his way to Europe, and won his ticket aboard the Titanic in a game of poker. Rose swooned over him. Cal sensed this, and he watched on disapprovingly. Then, the pleasant night turned sour. Cal proved extremely disrespectful to Mr. Dawson, even stooping to the level of calling him a "sewer rat." Mr. Dawson behaved accordingly, and excused himself from the table with some stern looks. Rose gave a true look of hate and ran from the table.

"Cal! How could you say such a thing?" I was disgusted causing me to lose my sense of propriety.

"Ugh!" Cal groaned. He glanced at me and left the table later looking for Rose. After a bit of awkward conversation returned, I stared fuming at my food. I had to blink rapidly to keep the tears from forming in my eyes. I couldn't believe he was able to say that considering my own background. Even after I had called him out, he could not muster an apology. The farther we got out to sea; the worse my view of Cal's character faired. I was so hurt, and the comment wasn't even directed at me. I could only imagine the bruising Jack's pride may have taken. In the short time I had met him, I enjoyed his presence. He was so full of life that it rubbed off on those around him. His demeanor had even had an effect on Rose; I found myself even enjoying her company.

My appetite was gone, so I declined my dessert. After saying my goodbyes, I stomped off to the boat deck. I suddenly could not stand the atmosphere here. I hated these people; evidently, I did not belong around them. I wanted no company and needed to cool off. I walked out the doors into the brisk sea air. I sucked in my breath involuntarily. My evening gown provided little protection from the cold. I looked back at the door, but I decided not to turn. I kept going for the railing. I stared out at the black waves and the ship's lights reflecting off of them. I gripped the handrail and just breathed. I felt my anger dissipating. I questioned why I hadn't taken a walk sooner in the trip. Being outside just brought one back to life. I twirled around and watched my dress spin out around me. I was thankful to be alone and spent some time reflecting. I spotted a deck chair and situated myself in it nicely. Cal could wait till morning. For now, I wanted to gaze up at the millions of stars twinkling above me. I settled myself putting my head back.

When my eyes closed, the image of my mother's face bobbing in the ocean popped up. I gave a small scream of fright and sat up bolt-right. I ran over to the railing and focused down on the water. The water was just as black. I tried to shake the scary thoughts crossing my mind away, but peace would not come tonight. I was pretty sure relaxation was to never come during this voyage. I would be glad to be back on land.

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**:) Believe :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	9. May I Say

**Hello,**

**Thank you ForeverDances, thesexychild, and AC for your kind words. CatalynMJ88, thank you for your detailed reviews and constructive criticism. **

**I'm sorry that it has been a little while. I've been sick and haven't been feeling up to posting.**

**I'm back though!**

**So, let's go!**

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"_Charlotte, why did you leave me?"_

"_I had to Mother. You, of all people, should understand making sacrifices for the man you love."_

"_I'm not upset with you. I'm just hurt. We'll never see each other again."_

"_Of course, we will. Once I'm settled back in America, you'll come and visit."_

"_Dear, do you remember when we made the voyage originally to England? Do you recall how much I hated the ship? I don't trust them; it's just unnatural for something so large and heavy to float."_

"_I understand that, but you'll get back on one to see me. Right Mama? _

"_Oh, Charlie… I'd do anything to see you. Things are just too complicated for you to understand now. One day, all this will make sense to you when everything happens."_

"_When what happens?" My mother didn't answer; instead she put her face in her hands and cried. I raised my voice as I repeated myself, "When what happens? When what happens!" I was becoming frantic in my desperation. _

When I awoke, my eyes darted directly to the edge of the foot of my bed. I was half expecting to see my mother still there where she had sat in my dream. Sadly, she was not there. Even more to my displeasure, she had not ever explained what she meant. My mind was still wondering and unsettled. I remained in bed staring at the ornate plastered ceiling following the swirling design with my eyes. These dreams and visions were so confusing. I could not figure out what they meant. I could only wonder if something had happened to my loving mother. Were these dreams premonitions, but I wasn't seeing the future necessarily; I could not wrap my mind around these strange occurrences.

I heard my named called meekly from the other side of the door, but I didn't respond. I was in a funk and being alone sounded nice. Lou repeated my name and knocked at the door. I sighed hoping that she would just be able to read my mind. Staring at the door, I watched the knob turn and Lou step into the room.

"Oh!" She gasped startled putting her little hand over her mouth. I suppose she had not been expecting her eyes to meet mine when she entered, especially, with not a stare so fierce and wicked. Probably, Lou was expecting me to apologize or reassure her that she was fine, but I was in a bad mood and just continued staring. She glanced about the room and fidgeted with her hands awkwardly. I watched her makeup in her mind to approach me. "Miss Charlotte, I thought I'd better warn ye that breakfast'll soon be finishin'. If ye were planning to eat, we need to get ye ready now."

I sighed, telling myself to get over my attitude. This girl was so caring and didn't really deserve to be treated rudely. "I think I'd rather eat in privacy this morning. Squeezing into a corset right now just seems daunting. So, do you think you could arrange for a breakfast spread to be brought into the sitting area for me?"

"Of course, Miss." She nodded her head waiting to be dismissed.

"Thank you, Lou. Just let me know when the food is ready."

"I certainly will." She spun around and hurried out. She was such a diligent worker.

"I'm sorry for being mean to you, my friend. It's Cal who deserves my rudeness." I whispered to myself, knowing Lou would not hear.

It seemed like Lou would never return with food, and I was beginning to grow bored of lying in bed. I rolled out of the covers and went to the window. Something about the vastness of the ocean all around me hypnotized me so that I could remain standing there captivated for hours on end. Cal kept trying to creep his way into my thoughts, but I refused. Instead, I preoccupied my time imagining how deep the water was and of the plethora of life just below the surface. I had once had a goldfish growing up. She had always amazed my younger self with the fact that she could breathe water. I remember trying to experiment with a small breath underwater once in a lake near our house. I had floundered my way to the bank coughing and sputtering causing my mother to get flustered in her worry. Eventually, I was able to explain myself and promptly reprimanded. I smiled remembering the look of panic on my mother's beautiful face.

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"Miss Charlotte, the food is setup out here." Lou called to me from the door. Her voice didn't have its usual pep, and I blamed myself.

"Could you come here for a moment?"

"What is it?" She questioned as she made her way hesitantly towards me.

"I want to thank you for being more than just an employee. You have been great company and a wonderful friend these past couple of days." Her face softened at my words. I hugged her and beckoned for her to eat breakfast with me.

The spread of different types of food was more than I had expected. We nibbled on all types of different delicacies. My mood had brightened and so had Lou's. I played some music as we chit-chatted. She told me about her mother and father back in Ireland. We bonded over missing our mothers. Our conversation rolled on for ages until Lou looked at me sheepishly.

"Lou, what's that face about?" I laughed into my tea cup as I tilted it towards my mouth.

"It's just, well… I mean I understand my duties, but…" She looked around nervously avoiding eye-contact.

"Come on, speak!" I laughed some more, but was worried about what she had to say.

"Anderson is expecting me to meet him soon!" Lou blurted this out and then covered her mouth quickly.

"Oh Lou, you shouldn't worry. I completely understand." I shook my head and placed my hand on her shoulder. "I just need your help getting ready before you runoff."

"Yes, yes. Okay!" Lou's face washed over with relief and gained enthusiasm.

I drank my last bit of tea, and then we proceeded back to my room. I walked a bit sluggishly wishing I could stay in my comfortable nightgown all day. I told Lou to surprise me with what dress that I would wear that day. She chose a very nautical inspired white and navy vertical-striped day dress with a high lacy collar. Pearl buttons ran in a line down the front from my neck to my waist where a wide, navy-satin ribbon cinched my middle. The elbow length sleeves were loose, and I found that the dress flattered me nicely. The collar highlighted my long, thin neck which I felt made me look very regal. I spun around in a circle as I often did when pleased with my appearance and thanked Lou for her choice. She quickly pulled my curly hair back from my face lower than usual and secured it with large clips.

When she reached for the rouge, I assured her I could handle my makeup myself and urged her to hurry along to Anderson. She blushed, smiled, and gave me a quick hug before scurrying out after her beau. I watched her go and looked around the big room. I was completely alone yet again during this trip. I had definitely imagined this voyage going much differently when Cal had first approached me with the notion of traveling on the Titanic. Nothing seemed to be as I would have wished except the lovely ship herself. I sighed knowing that I was used to disappointment throughout my life. This was nothing new. I slowly dawdled with my makeup thinking about Cal and the incident at dinner the night before. His comments had really stung, but I still wanted to go find him. I desired for him to explain himself and his unbelievable behavior.

I rose from the vanity only slightly pleased with my work, usually I did much better, but today I just hadn't had much focus available for the menial task of doing my makeup. There was a more important and daunting mission on my mind this morning. I decided that I was going to find Cal and have a nice, little chat with him about his recent behaviors. Even so, another part of me wondered how things had went between Cal and Rose after the Jack Dawson fiasco last night. I made my plan-of-action and tried to figure out where I would find Cal now that breakfast was over. I gave myself an internal pep talk and began my short walk to his cabin.

I entered the hall to see Lovejoy standing in the hall outside Cal's door. His back was towards me, so I took a moment and paused. I debated in my head if I should just turn and go back or if I should actually approach this Mr. Lovejoy. He was an intimidating figure whom I had heard was once part of the Scotland Yard. He was tall, but his eyes were really what got me. Anytime I had been in the vicinity of him, I could never find a trace of emotion in his eyes; he was a rock. He turned, and any hopes I had of quietly withdrawing disappeared.

"Hello, Ms. Carter." His voice was gruff and had a slight mocking tone to it that I did not appreciate.

"Mr. Lovejoy…" I nodded my head and continued past him towards Cal's door. I felt his hand clasp around my arm, and I stopped.

"Where do you think you're going?" He had lowered his voice and his grip tightened.

"I need to speak with Cal." I struggled to free my arm. "Now, unhand me this instance!"

"I'm afraid that Mr. Hockley is busy at the moment." He motioned for me to return back to my room.

"If I can't go in, then you go tell Cal that I want to talk to him. I'm sure he will want to see me." I said as I crossed my arms defiantly.

"I think not. Maybe it's best for you to stay in your cabin…"

"But… But… No, I…" I stammered, but Lovejoy just shook his head and pointed to my door. Broken, I turned looking at the floor as I returned to my suite. Upon entering, the luxury of the room seemed ironic to me. It once made me feel important to be staying in such a room, but now I only felt like a discarded toy.

I paced the sitting room; the more I thought about my situation, the angrier I became. If Cal loved me, then why would he have Lovejoy stationed to keep me away? I was Caledon's lover for god's sakes. I had every right to be able to speak with him when I pleased. Fuming, I made my mind up that I would speak to Cal and would not be kept away. Lovejoy would not stop me. If it came down to it, I would scream and push till I made it through. I could only imagine Cal right next door cuddling up the Rose. I wanted to scream. I needed to let Cal know that this agreement was not working.

I marched to the hall once again. This time Lovejoy was on alert. He saw me exit my door, and in a matter of seconds, he had stormed down the hall and was hurriedly pushing me back inside my cabin. I tried to scream, but his hand came over my mouth. He was moving inhumanly fast; his strength overpowering. He shoved me into my room and snickered, "Now, just be a good little mistress and stay in the shadows." With that, he shut my door and left me standing dumbfounded.

I stood there blinking for quite awhile. I could not understand what had just taken place. Mr. Lovejoy's comment had stung quite a bit. I wondered if I should indeed remain in my room out of the public's eye for the remainder of the voyage. It wasn't fair of him to treat me as a worthless, dirty mistress even if that's what I technically was. After all, I had been in the picture first, before Rose. This was all too much to take. As my eyesight became blurred, I reasoned that I had to confront Cal and let him know it was over. I had to try to get to Cal one last time.

I threw open my door. Instead of standing guard in front Cal's door, Lovejoy was standing right in front of me. He rushed in.

"I knew you wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Please! I just want to let Cal know things are over between him and I."

"I can't let you go and upset my employer like that, can I?" He dragged me across the room and pulled out shiny handcuffs. "Now, you'll be much easier to keep track of." No matter how I struggled I could not escape. He clasped the cuffs closed, and I begged to be let go. He gave an evil laugh and left me alone, locked up, and in tears.

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**Okay, I wanted to give you all a good bit of action to make up for taking forever to update.**

**I'm staying the weekend in a beautiful cabin in the mountains, so I'm definitely going to try to get some writing done.**

**Review and let me know what you think. **

**:) Believe :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	10. I Took the Blows

**Dear readers,**

**I very much hope that you are enjoying my story.**

**Did anyone notice the new image as the cover of my story? I rather like this new feature.**

**With chapter 10, we're nearly half way through. It's hard to believe.**

**This chapter has a lot of dialogue. I hope that doesn't bug anyone too much.**

**Keep reading and reviewing. **

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My cheeks were tear-stained, and my throat dry. I longed for a sip of water, but I could not move to get a glass because of the handcuffs. I struggled to pull my wrist free, but it was to no avail. Eventually, I resigned to my fate and leaned up against the wall. When I heard a key inserted into the door, my eyes widened in anticipation. I was like a starving dog drooling for a piece of meat. Lou walked into the room; her jaw dropped at the sight of me. She ran over and crouched beside me asking, "Who did this to ye?"

"That Lovejoy man did." I managed to choke out.

"Oh, he is bad news, Miss. Bad news…"

"Can you go find a crew member that can maybe free me?" I was worried about explaining myself to a stranger, but I knew I had to get loose. Lou laughed at my question.

"That's not necessary. I know a thing or two about locks." She continued laughing as she reached into her hair feeling around. "Ah! Here we go!" She exclaimed pulling out a hairpin.

"Can you really?"

"Sure can." She reassured me and went to work. She inserted the pin into the lock moving it around focused. There was a click, and Lou proclaimed, "Aye, there ye go. Yer free!"

I slid my hand out and massaged my wrist. Then, I looked up at Lou and smiled. As I hugged her, I admiringly whispered into her ear, "You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met," I pulled back looking her in the eye and giggled, "and you don't have to tell me how you knew a trick like that."

"It's nothing'… My pappy made sure we all knew how to." She looked down bashfully.

"No, Lou. You really are just super." We laughed some. Lou went to get me a class of water while I collapsed on one of the couches in the sitting room. When Lou returned, she joined me, and I retold the day's events. My story was interrupted by a slight knock on the door. Lou and I exchanged quizzical glances as she went to answer the door.

To my surprise, Ruth Dewitt Bukater was the one to enter the door. She strutted right in. Lou followed behind her making a face that clearly demonstrated her surprise, as well. I remembered my manners and stood to greet her, "Mrs. Dewitt Bukater, what a surprise. Please, have a seat." I gestured to an area next to me on the sofa. Before sitting, she leered at Lou. Lou realized what the woman's look meant and excused herself. Once we were alone, she opened her mouth.

"Ms. Carter, I'm quite sure that you are wondering why I am here."

"Well yes, I certainly am."

"What I have to say will probably come as much of a shock to you."

"Tell, what is it that brings you here?"

"Let me start off with letting you know that I may seem aloof, but my dear, I am very alert and notice many things."

"You vagueness is quite confusing. What do you mean?" This woman was testing my patience.

"Oh, well then, let me be frank. I am well aware that something is going on between you and Mr. Hockley. As you may have forgotten, he is engaged to my daughter."

"Whatever has made you think that?" I feigned a perplexed expression.

"It was a combination of things. I was suspicious of you from the moment Mr. Hockley introduced you to us at dinner. I decided at that moment that I was going to pay very close attention to you. The way you two interacted so intimately was disgraceful, seeing as he is engaged." Her voice stressed the word engaged, as if she thought I did not comprehend the meaning.

"I assure you that whatever interaction has concerned you is only a misunderstanding. See, Mr. Hockley and I have just been close friends since childhood and-" I was cut off as Ruth interjected.

"Oh! Stop with the nonsense! My husband was a dear friend of Nathaniel Hockley's. I know very well that neither he nor his wife would allow their children to befriend a girl of the working-class, such as yourself." She hissed as she spoke. I was bewildered about how she would know such a personal thing about me. Quickly, I switched into cover-up mode.

"What on earth would make you think such a thing about me?"

"Missy, I can see those freckles you try to keep hidden with that powder."

"You do notice the small details. I understand, now. Unfortunately as a child, I wasn't very fond of bonnets and frequently removed them when I played outside. My nursemaid didn't care, and now, I have a few shameful freckles. However, I assure you that I never _worked _outside." I mocked the disgust so frequently heard amongst upper-class women at the notion that they ever had worked.

"Regardless of your social-standing, I know very well that there is more between you two than just a friendship."

"I assure you that nothing is happening between us."

"Then why does your maid seem to believe she is employed by Mr. Hockley?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I was with Mr. Hockley when a young girl I thought I recognized as being your servant approached Mr. Hockley asking where he had been and such. He tried to pretend as if he didn't know her, but I knew that he did. I had seen the panic in his eyes when he looked at me looking at them. I tried to reason out what had happened. Later, I passed you and the same girl in intense conversation about the 'Mister' ignoring her in the hall. Of course, I put two and two together and decided to do a bit more research. You will never guess what else I found." She had an malevolent, satisfied grin on her face as she realized she had won.

"What did you find?" I mumbled. My mind was racing on what to do or say to convince Ruth to not let everyone know the truth.

"I found a receipt amongst a pile of Mr. Hockley's personal papers. This receipt was for a single bedroom cabin aboard the Titanic. I knew we were in a three-bedroom suite, so it had to be yours. Why is he paying for your voyage? Please enlighten me?" She had an accusing tone making me feel as if I was being interrogated.

"Does Rose know? Have you told anyone of this?" I felt beaten and tired.

"I'm glad you asked!" She brightened and almost seemed cheerful at my discomfort. "I have not made my findings public, nor have I told my daughter. She would be devastated, and I will not have that. Also, I know that you wouldn't want your reputation or Mr. Hockley's ruined, so I have a proposition for you."

"What is this proposition?" I was reluctant to make a deal with this devil.

"You will keep your distance from my daughter and Caledon. The next time Mr. Hockley approaches you, you let him know that things are over between you two. Once we land in New York, you go on your own way and forget that you ever knew any of us. Lastly, you will not utter a word of this conversation between you and me to anyone. Do you understand? Or I will make all of this scandal very public."

"What if I don't believe you, Mrs. Dewitt Bukater?"

"Oh please, Ms. Carter, do not test me."

"All I'm saying is that I don't think you would make this public. I believe you have too much to lose. As you said before, you refuse to have Rose as upset as this news would make her. And! Who's to say anyone would believe you? Many people would say you're just an old hen trying to cause chaos in the chicken coop. I think that you should take your threats elsewhere and leave my room."

"Humph! We will see, Ms. Carter, we will see. You decide your actions, and mine will be made accordingly. I'll repeat myself: do not test me." She tried to hide her embarrassment at defeat, but I could tell how bothered she was as she practically flew out of the room.

Once she had exited, I laid my head back and sighed with satisfaction. I smiled and closed my eyes. Soon after, Lou reappeared. I sat up and greeted her with a smile. She quickly sat down next to me taking my hand with a prying look in her eyes. I found myself again filling Lou in on another major event of the day.

After the madness of the past few hours, I decided to stay in the room for dinner to avoid anymore dramatic socialites. So, Lou yet again arranged for food to be brought to my room, and we enjoyed a plethora of delights together. She had quickly become one of my closest friends that I had ever had. She was real, and I valued her friendship very much. She was a clever girl for never having attended schooling. I had even had that opportunity as a child. It was clear that my family had never been as bad off as Lou's. Nevertheless, I could connect with her, and we bonded over old stories and new dreams. Lou had even shared with me that I was inspiration to her that she could become whoever she dreamed to be. I didn't feel like someone that should be admired, but it was flattering all the same.

Lou decided after dinner that we should celebrate my courageousness while dealing with Ruth. She pulled out some bottles left over from when Cal had come back to the room. I put on some music while Lou poured the glasses. We had our selves a mini-party, twirling, laughing, and giddy with drink. We cheered multiple times. By the end of the night, we were tripping over ourselves. I finally got tired enough to decide to head to bed. Changing out of my dress was a chore within itself in the condition that both Lou and I were in.

I hardly remember my head hitting the pillow because I fell asleep so quickly. My mother didn't haunt my dreams this time. Instead, I dreamed of Cal. We were together in a green field. I could just feel our love in the air. It was a happy dream that made me remember the great relationship Cal and I had had before the Dewitt Bukaters. I realized I wasn't ready to give up on Cal and me. I knew I just needed to talk to Cal and have him reassure me that everything would be alright. Our love was strong enough to get through anything. He was my soul mate after all.

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**Sorry if this chapter seemed a little short.**

**I hoped you liked it anyways.**

**Let me know what you thought. **

**I'll be starting on chapter 11 soon.**

**:) Believe :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	11. What I Had To Do

**Dear readers,**

**All I can say is that I'm sorry. It has been over a month since my last update, but I hope that I can regain your interest once again.**

**Here ya go. **

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I opened my eyes; my heart still beating rapidly after the passionate kiss I had just shared with Cal in my dream. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes trying to fall back into my perfect dream world. I kept picturing Cal hoping to just pick up where my dream had stopped when I woke up. I lay there longing to return for awhile. Hopelessly, I realized I would not be falling back to sleep and became restless. I just wanted to see, touch, and talk to Cal. There was this flame burning inside me that only he could put out. I looked at the clock and saw that it was early morning. Most people on the ship would still be sleeping, but knowing Caledon's habits, I had a hunch he would be up and already antsy to start his day. So, I made my decision.

I sat up and stared at my feet hovering just slightly over the parquet wood flooring. I questioned in my head wondering if this was actually a good idea, nevertheless I finished sliding out of bed. My feet quietly landed on the cool floor. I padded quietly to the wardrobe with my lacy, white night gown flowing around my ankles. I grabbed my matching white, sheer nightgown jacket from where it was hanging on the door of the wardrobe. I tied its baby blue ribbon loosely around my waist and tiptoed to the hall. I poked my head out of my door and looked both ways before I quickly made my way to Cal's cabin. Luckily, Lovejoy was nowhere in sight. I placed my ear to the door and heard shuffling footsteps. I raised my fist hesitantly debating whether or not to knock. I doubted either of the Dewitt Bukater women were awake this early. My odds were good, so I knocked lightly. The footsteps paused briefly and then began to approach the door. My heart fluttered as I prayed that Cal would be the one to greet me.

When the door opened, Cal's eyes grew to be the size of saucers as he took the image of me in. I could tell he was shocked because his mouth was slightly agape. I felt awkward and began to regret coming here. We stood staring at each other until he seemed to snap out of it. He stuck his head out and checked up and down the hall before grabbing my arm and ushering me in. He gestured for me to follow him, and we made our way to their private deck. Once Cal had closed the door behind us, he shot me a tense glare. In a terse whisper, he asked, "Charlotte, what are you doing?"

"I, um…" Glancing around the deck, I searched my mind for a reason. Gray light filtered in throwing shadows across Cal's distressed visage. His hair was disheveled, and he still wore his navy and gold collared pajamas. My nightwear was doing very little to protect me from the outside cold, and I tried to hold back from shivering. "I wanted some fresh air."

"So, you decided to come to my suite?" He raised an eyebrow quizzically at my explanation.

"Well, I knew you had a private deck, and I didn't want to be wandering the ship at this hour of the morning."

"Do you realize what kind of position we both could have been in had Rose or Ruth answered instead of me? It was very stupid of you."

"I'm sorry. I just figured you would be the only one awake."

"How did you know I would be up?"

"Cal, we shared a hotel room for months. I know your routine." I laughed and winked attempting to light the mood.

"That's true. It still could have turned out very bad." He plopped down into a chair and sighed. I could tell something was wrong, so I sat in the chair next to him and rested my hand on his arm.

"Is something wrong? Does my being here disturb you that much?"

"I just feel betrayed," he muttered. I raked my brain as to what I could have done to betray him. Then, I realized Lovejoy must have told him that I wanted everything to be over between us. I wanted to smack myself. I could not believe I had said something so stupid. I still wanted to be with Cal.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say such a thing. I was mad and-"

"What are you talking about?" Cal interrupted.

"Wait, what are you talking about, Cal?"

"I was referring to Rose's betrayal."

"Oh…" My face grew red both of embarrassment and anger. I removed my hand from his arm refusing to comfort him over Rose. I couldn't believe I had let myself think that I mattered to Cal. Rose was his everything.

Cal continued on not realizing my displeasure because he was too wrapped up in his own self-pity. "Rose has been seeing that Jack boy against my wishes. I can't stand this. She has got to set her priorities straight."

"Maybe you should get your priorities straight, Caledon."

"What exact priorities should I be getting straight?"

"Me, Cal, me! I've tried to be good, but I just feel like I don't mean a thing to you."

"How can you say that? Have I not given everything you could ever want?"

"You have given me so many beautiful things, more than I could ever dream that I deserved. However, it isn't only about the material items. I want you! I want you to spend more time with me. I've barely spent any time with you during the voyage. Yesterday, I didn't see you at all. Even more, you had Lovejoy barricade me from you."

"Charlie, I apologize you feel as if I've disregarded you. You should know that I kind of have to handle things with Rose right now first, though."

"Why does Rose have to be first all the time? For once, I'd like to take precedence."

"You can't. Do you just not get it? Rose and I are to be married. That is the arrangement. If I fail at marrying her, then I lose my inheritance, everything."

"You used to say I was your everything… I'm just going to leave now. Goodbye Cal." I bowed my head and tucked my tail like a sad puppy. My life was falling apart. No matter how much I loved Cal, he would never love me more than he loved his money. I realized that I couldn't blame Rose anymore. It was not her fault that I had fallen in love with a self-absorbed jerk, and it certainly wasn't her fault that he treated me so badly. I stealthily made my way from Cal's cabin back to my own. Lou was awake now and greeted me as I entered the room.

"Hello, Miss Charlotte. You're up real early." She was trying to hide her curiosity, but I could see her wonder as her questioning eyes took in my nightgown. I could only imagine what she thought. It was unheard of for a woman to walk out in public wearing only her nightwear.

"Yes, I sure am. How about helping me get ready?"

"Of course." She nodded and followed me to my room.

"I was thinking of the lavender one."

"Ah! This pretty one?"

"That's it!" I admired the dress. It had excellent structure and had darker purple beading along the hem in a floral pattern.

Once I had the dress on, I gazed at myself in the mirror. The pale coloring of the dress somehow made my brown curls appear softer and lighter. I liked it and smiled at myself. I placed my rich purple amethyst earrings in, hugged Lou goodbye, and made my way towards breakfast. As I passed Caledon's cabin, my heart beat along with my footsteps quickened. I wanted no run-ins with any of them. Nonetheless, I heard the door open only moments after I had passed. To my chagrin, I was being followed by what sounded to be Cal and Ruth Dewitt Bukater. When they entered the hall, their conversation ended abruptly, most likely upon seeing me. My suffering grew with each awkward second. The hall was straight with only doors to suites; there was no escape. I wanted to take off running, but kept my composure to not give myself away. Then, I heard Ruth's crow-like voice pipe up from behind me.

"Mr. Hockley, isn't that your close friend, Ms. Carter only a few paces ahead? We must say hello and invite her to breakfast." I listened closely for Cal's response.

"Oh, so it is. That sounds like a splendid idea. Though, it seems she is much too far ahead, and it would be rude to call out so loudly now." My heart hung, and I stopped breathing as I wondered whether she would go along with him. I wanted nothing more than to avoid them at all costs.

"Nonsense, hello, Ms. Carter, hello!" I felt as if I would melt into a puddle as I heard her call my name and her quickening footsteps growing closer. I slowed and turned plastering a false smile upon my face.

"Mrs. Dewitt Bukater, what a surprise." She smiled a gruesome grin. Clearly, she was testing to see how I would act around Cal after our conversation the day before.

"Mr. Hockley and I were just making our way to join my Rose for breakfast. We would absolutely love for you to join us." Her smirk was so annoying. I gave a quick nod to Cal and quickly came up with a response for Ruth.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I have already eaten and am on my way to meet with Mr. Andrews." I smiled and took a step back to show my hurry.

"Well, that is unfortunate. Isn't that right, Mr. Hockley?" The mention of his name seemed to draw Cal back to the conversation. His brief mutterings of agreement showed his discomfort with being near to me.

"I really must be on my way. Good day to you both."

"Good day, Ms. Carter. I'm sure you will have a pleasantly interesting time with Mr. Andrews." Ruth smiled. Her happiness irked me; she had gotten what she wanted, but it had nothing to do with her threats. On the other hand, the spark of jealously in Cal's eye about Mr. Andrews allowed me to hurry along the hall with a smug smile on my face.

After I had rushed down the hall out of their sight, I realized that I couldn't go to eat breakfast now for fear of seeing Ruth or Cal. I had no clue where to go, because, of course, there were indeed no plans with Mr. Andrews. I sighed and resigned myself to wander about the ship. I walked hall after hall finally growing bored with my exploration. My boredom quickly left me when I found myself face to face with none other than Rose and Jack in each other's arms. I saw the fear in her eyes when she recognized me. It looked as if she was about to run, but I raised my hand and called out to her. She seemed confused, and I must admit that I was slightly confusing myself. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but I just had to apologize. It wasn't logical, but I was going solely on emotions.

"Rose, I'm not here to judge you or anything of the sort. I really just want to apologize to you," The confusion on her face only seemed to grow, and so I continued, "See, I was unfair to you. I didn't like you from the beginning for very unfair reasons."

"Ms. Carter, I'm sorry to say, but I am quite at a loss of what you mean. What were the unfair reasons?" I bit my lower lip nervous as to whether I should out what had went on with Cal and I. Glancing at Jack and Rose holding hands, I guessed that she wouldn't be too heartbroken.

"I doubt this is the right way to go about this, but I don't want to lie anymore… Cal and I kind of had a relationship that made me harsh on you. Now, I think he and I are done. You're free to have him to yourself, if you want. I just wanted to be up front and let you know that I truly think you are a brilliant young lady." To my surprise, this confession evoked laughter from Rose.

"Oh, maybe before this voyage I would have been slightly devastated, but ever since I've met Jack…Cal just doesn't matter."

"Well, I must say that it is quite a relief that there are no hard feelings between us."

"Before you go, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Of course."

"If you see Cal before I do next, can you inform him about my wishes to move on from him…with Jack? As you know, he can be quite intimidating and scary when he's angry."

"You know what, if I see him, I will be sure to do that for you."

We parted with a hug. As I made my way down the hall, my stomach contracted and I realized I was ready for lunch. A clock positioned on the wall shown that it was half past 12, so I made my way towards the dining room on the lookout for Cal, as well.

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**I hoped you liked this.**

**Hopefully, I wasn't too rusty.**

**Reviews are the biggest form of encouragement.**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	12. Regrets

**My thanks goes out to Lady Isabelle Black for following my story. Also, thank you ForeverDances and CatalynMJ88 for your reviews. Actually, CatalynMJ88's review gave me bit of an idea. So anyone else, feel free to leave your ideas in a review. Who knows, they might just be incorporated into the story.**

**Caution: Bad Language towards end of chapter.**

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I quickened my pace as my stomach began crying out for food. Hall after hall, I sped towards lunch. I finally reached the opening to the large room full of people chattering, sitting, and eating. The aroma of the delicious foods entered my nose, and my stomach growled with delight. I stood for a moment worrying if it was typical of a woman to eat alone when a hand rested upon my shoulder. I could sense it was a man's; my stomach seized, and I held my breath wondering if it was Cal.

"Ms. Carter, are ye eatin' alone?" A grateful smile crept across my face. That beautiful Irish accent brought me more relief than I ever could have imagined. I turned and, sure enough, there stood Mr. Thomas Andrews.

"Well Thomas, I won't be if you'll give me the pleasure of your company."

"Ah, Lass, I'd be glad too." He took my arm and led me to a small table off to the side of the room. He scooted my chair out for me, then once I was seated, he sat himself across from me. He was such a gentleman.

"And what has the master shipbuilder been spending his day up too?" I asked with a smile of admiration. His eye twinkled as he began talking about the Titanic. I watched him as he spoke. A thought or maybe a plan crept into my mind. His dark, graying hair had some curl to it, slight worry-wrinkles lined his eyes, his lips were a bit thin, and his ears stuck out a little too much. One corner of his mouth tended to raise more as he spoke, but he was an attractive man nonetheless. I appreciated his presence and genuinely found happiness in our friendship. He would do, yes he would do. Cal had already shown glimpses of jealousy at the mention of Mr. Andrews.

"Charlotte, is there something on yer mind?" Thomas was leaning a bit over the table and his voice had lowered to just over a whisper.

"Of course," I kicked myself for letting my mind wander. Now, he probably felt like I don't care about what he has to say. "I'm sorry if it seemed like I wasn't listening." I looked down at my hands in my lap abashedly.

"Ye know ye can tell me whatever it is that ye've be thinkin about?" His eyes were wide and authentic.

"Can I ask you a question?" I felt a flutter of nervousness. I couldn't help but wonder if I was about to seem to frank or what he was going to think.

"Certainly." Thomas nodded his and leaned even closer.

"Well," I changed my mind about asking him. This would be too much, more than just a friendly favor. So, I did what I do best and figured out a lie. "What were you and the Captain arguing about in the bridge the other day? Excuse me if it is too forward, but I can't stop wondering." This was not fully a lie because I had been curious about their disagreement. I watched Thomas's face, and I can tell that there is more to the little laugh he gives me before he speaks.

"Don't ye worry about that. Everything is fine. I just have a different view of how my ship should be run than the others." He waved his hand like he's waving away any worries, but his voice sounded strained. I decided not to push things further, but I couldn't deny that I felt bad for my friend. He sacrificed so much of his life for Titanic, built her himself, knows more about her than anyone, yet he couldn't even run her the way he wanted.

"Tell me more about this man who was supposed to be travelling with you?" I blushed at Thomas's question. It was out of the blue and eager like he had wanted to ask this for some time now.

"I really don't know how to explain it…" I trailed off as I figured out a way for my plan to work. Mr. Andrews had to think that I was single and had to believe I had no other interest in any other men, and then maybe he would feel freer to flirt. He was such a nice man; I felt bad for using him. "I'm actually not in any kind of relationship. There was a man that was supposed to accompany me on the Titanic, but that ended long ago. I told Molly it was more recent because I was afraid to admit that I had my heartbroken." I shut my mouth before I could ramble anymore and searched for his thoughts on this divulgence.

"I find it real admirable that ye'd open up to me, Charlotte. I really do." He reached out and took my hand; his demeanor sad. "I myself am hiding something."

"Oh Thomas, you can tell me anything." I felt a growing bond with him as we were both opening up and sharing secrets. Even though, my secret was just a lie.

"My wife and I, we are in a loveless marriage. If not for my daughter, we would have gone our separate ways long ago. Still, I feel guilty when I find myself wanting to get to know ye better." He spoke with his head in hand, but then he looked up into my eyes and whispered, "If ye know what I mean, I find myself caring more and more about ya."

"Oh…um…" I find myself stuttering. Thomas's confession sent me reeling; this was not how I meant for this conversation to go. I meant for Thomas and I to just have a close friendship, not for him to admit that he may just be falling in love with me. I suddenly feel terrible about ever having wanted to use Thomas as a ploy to make Cal jealous. This wasn't a game; it was the emotions of two grown men I was toying with. I felt like I was playing with fire, and now, I had to figure out a way to put the fire out without anyone getting burned. I looked down at my plate of half-eaten food and felt sick. As I stood up to run for a toilet, I felt pained for Thomas. Leaving him there like that after he had been so honest, it was practically like slapping him in the face, but I didn't mean it in that way. I just had to go somewhere. My stomach was unhappy, and I couldn't change that.

After emptying the contents of my stomach, I quickly returned to the dining room searching for Thomas. I see our table empty, but the dishes hadn't been cleared yet which meant he had left not too long ago. I whirled back into the hall that led to the elevators. I hurried closer as I saw him stepping into one; his head hung low. I called his name loudly. The doors closed as his eyes caught mine. Tendrils of hair had fallen in my haste and I was out of breath for more reasons than one. I was too late, and all I could do was plop myself down on the nearest sofa lining the wood-paneled wall. There were two older ladies sitting next to me. Their whispers about me were audible; I wanted to tell them to go away, but I had already been indecent enough for the rest of the trip. The elevator doors reopened; Thomas stepped out. His face was still downcast, but I brightened a bit now that I would be able to explain myself. I stood as he approached me.

"I'm sorry if I went too far…" His voice was meek and cheerless. I glanced over at the two old hens still clucking away. I rolled my eyes at them, and they averted their own eyes. However, I could still clearly make out their gossiping.

"How about we take a walk on the deck as we discuss this?"

"Well okay, sure." He half-heartedly offered me his arm, and I took it. Even in sadness and embarrassment, he still was so well mannered.

"I'm sorry I ran off, something didn't sit well on my stomach. I was coming back. I should have told you." We were strolling the deck now, arm in arm.

"I thought…from yer reaction, that I had offended or scared ye."

"I won't lie. I was indeed taken aback." I stroked his arm with my other hand. I had to tell him, now so afraid of hurting him even more. "You see Thomas, I have so much enjoyed the blossoming friendship between us. That's all I saw it as, though, just a friendship."

"I thought it was too soon for me to be thinkin' stuff like this. It's just yer so pretty." He stopped us then and caressed my face with his large, strong hand. His eyes stared deep into mine. I felt a stirring inside me, but I repressed it. I was confused; I loved Cal, enough to even want to use Thomas to make Cal jealous so he'd realize how much he wanted me. Now, here my body was wanting and loving Thomas Andrews touch. I had to stop this. I removed Thomas's hand from my cheek and held it for a second it.

"You are a handsome man, Thomas. By no account have you done anything wrong, I am just…still too wrapped up in an old relationship." His eyes looked away, so I squeezed his hand slightly to regain his attention. "I want to stay your friend. You are truly an amazing man."

"I'd gladly like to stay yer friend." He gave me a little crooked smile, still his eyes showed his sadness. Then, he took me in his arms for a warm hug.

We parted ways, and I was so emotionally spent the only place I could think to go was my cabin. A warm bath before I dressed for dinner sounded amazing. I wound my way through the now familiar halls and opened my door. Lou wasn't there, and I was thankful to have some time to myself. I went to the bathing room and began to fill the tub.

"CHARLOTTE!" My name rang out from the doorway of the cabin. Cal sounded so angry; I was fearful. Quickly, I turned the water off and entered the sitting room.

"Yes, what is it?" He came over and grabbed my arm. He reeked of alcohol.

"Get out, get out of here." He began dragging me towards the door. I struggled to resist.

"What are you doing? This is my cabin!" The redness of Cal's face and the bulging vein in his neck scared me. His roughness was so completely opposite of the gentle touch Thomas and I had just shared.

"No, no, no… This is my cabin. I hold the receipt for it. I just let you stay here, but no more. I want you out!"

"Well," I jerked my arm loose and darted to the other side of the room, "where do you suggest I go?" I made sure to keep as far away from him as possible. He was breathing heavy and had a savage look in his eye.

"Go stay with your good friend, Mr. Andrews. You whore!" He was pointing his finger at me; his face had become an even deeper shade of red. There was sweat beading along his forehead.

"I am not a whore. Thomas is ONLY a friend!" Cal lunged for me as I spoke, but I was able to separate us with the sofa.

"Goddammit! You will not make a fool of me, Miss Charlotte Carter." He practically spat out my name with a look of pure disgust.

"You're right because you are already taking care of that yourself." He came after me yet again. We went round and round the sofa till he finally gave up.

"I should've known I couldn't trust you. Once a whore, always a whore."

"I'm not a whore! What happened to make you so mad?"

"I saw you. I saw you throwing yourself at Mr. Andrews on the deck earlier rubbing his arm, holding his hand, and hugging him. You two looked pretty damn cozy. It's one thing when it's my fiancée, but now my fucking mistress too?"

"You're confused about what you saw. Cal, please take the time to understand."

"I won't hear it. I know what I saw, and I won't have any lying whore trying to tell me different."

"I'm not a whore… Stop calling me that!" I sounded pathetic. Tears were pooling in my eyes; he knew that word hurt me so much.

"Oh, you aren't? Isn't that where I found you? You and your mama dancing around and taking your clothes off at a damn whore house… You're no better than your fucking prostituting mother! Sleeping with me and coming to live in my hotel room the same night you met me."

"Why…why would you go there?" I screamed out as tears poured down my face. I slid down the wall and cried into my knees.

"Shit, now you're going to cry. You're not worth my pity…" I looked up at him pleading with my eyes for him to stop. He shook his head as he looked down at me on the floor. "You're such a fucking god damn, pathetic waste of space. Then, he spit in my face and left slamming the door.

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**Sorry if the language offended anyone. I just wanted to portray the vile way Cal was acting towards Charlotte now.**

**This chapter was a lot more than I thought it would be, but it's one of my favorites yet.**

**Did any of this surprise you? Let me know what you thought in a review.**

**Thanks for reading. :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	13. My Friend

**Thanks to everyone who has stuck around through my story, as well as new comers. **

**Classes started, so I'm trying to work with the little time I have.**

**Enjoy this chapter, it's for you.**

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I picked myself up off the ground with a grunt. My face and body burned with anger. Suddenly, a warm bath no longer sounded very pleasant nor did dinner. My knotted stomach made the thought of food painful. I went and emptied the tub, wiping the water on my gown with disregard. Cal had given me this dress, and I no longer wished to see it. I went to my bedroom and rummaged through one of my luggage trunks. There I found the small, plain box I told Lou not to bother with. Retrieving it, I felt a flicker of happiness within the thick melancholy which the argument with Cal had left me with. I placed the box on my mattress and removed the lid. Never had a raggedy, old, and stained nightgown ever brought such joy to someone. Gingerly, I lifted the sleepwear from its long-forgotten coffin as if it was the most expensive and exquisite outfit my eyes had ever seen. I laid it on the bed and quickly began to undress myself. I struggled with all the layers but was eventually free. I held the nightgown against my bare body. The well-worn cotton felt better against my skin than any of the new, fancy dresses Cal had gotten me.

Inhaling deeply, I could smell the familiar scent of my past life. The world where my mother had toiled away in her brief moments of free time to mend ripped seams and reattach popped buttons. There at her sewing area, I had approached her at fifteen asking for a grownup nightie. She had looked up into my young face and let out an exhausted sigh that made her loose strands of blonde hair lift off her face. "Charlie, baby, what's wrong with your old one?" Then, I had stepped around her work bench where she could see me fully; my current nightgown almost a full 10 inches too short and very tight. "Oh!" She exclaimed. "When was the last time I made you new night clothes?" My only answer was a shrug because I couldn't remember; it had been so long. "Don't worry; I'll make you a nice, long one? How's that sound?" She gave me an apologetic smile for lacking to notice something so obvious. I had known how busy she was taking care of us after Daddy died, so I didn't blame her and wasn't mad. I just beamed about the prospect of new clothing of any sort; it was such a rarity. She reached out her arms for a hug, and I gladly obliged; the sleeves pulling tight about my shoulders.

That night, I went to bed with a smile on my face in anticipation. I watched as she would sew a bit now and then when she could. Within a week, she had finished and presented me with what I thought was the most beautiful article of clothing I could be given. I knew how much work she put in trying to make it perfect, even adding pink embellishments, my favorite color. "I made it a bit bigger than necessary, so hopefully it'll last you." My mother was proud of her creation, and I was pleased. Now looking at it, I smiled at all that the nightgown brought back into my memory. It was plain compared to my other garments, but it had a meaning behind it like nothing else I still owned. My mood darkened as I recalled Cal throwing out everything he deemed as unworthy. I felt disappointment in myself at the delight his new clothes brought me as I got to shed my dirty roots and blossom into what I thought was an upper class butterfly. Unfortunately, the shimmer had worn off and I was left a moth void of any character. Well, except for this sleep dress, which I had fought Cal so hard to keep. He had held it away from him, his face scowling, and asked me why I would want to keep such a filthy thing. After my constant begging for it back, he flung it at me and told me to keep it out of his sight. So, I did as I was told, and now, it was liberating to be retrieving it from where it had so long been stored away. I slid it on and it bunched over my hips and bosoms. After all the fine eating aboard the Titanic, I was even bigger than my mother would have imagined 5 years ago when she made this. I walked to the mirror, and it was ever so snug. I stared at myself a bit, and suddenly, I had the urge to be Charlie. I had to wash away this Ms. Charlotte Carter person whom I had become. I wiped away every bit of makeup and powder. Letting down my hair, I shook it out with my hands. I laughed into the mirror. I didn't look attractive by the high society standards, but I looked like me which was all that mattered.

My reverie came to a halt when there was a knock at the cabin door. I sighed as I felt my body involuntarily tensing up. I began to walk towards the door, but decided against it and sprawled out onto the sofa instead. I played with a loose thread as the person waiting at door would knock periodically. I'm not sure how long the knocking continued off and on, but whoever was there proved very persistent. I jumped in shock when the door opened. Lou walked in, "Ye know ye can be very rude sometimes. Don't ya know better than to not answer yer door?" Before I could respond, Thomas Andrews stepped in behind Lou. My jaw dropped.

"Oh my… Thomas, what are you doing here? Was that you the whole time?" I stuttered feeling embarrassed.

"Yes, it were. I missed seein' ye at dinner, and then I became worried that I was to blame. So, I decided the least I could do was to bring ye a plate." He brought the food and placed it on the coffee table in front of me. Then, he sat next to me.

"Well thank you for the food, but I didn't come because of Cal, not you." Thomas looked at me clearly confused.

"Cal, that Mr. Hockley fellow? What did he say, Charlotte? How did he hurt yer feelings?" His tone became gruff, and there was an unfamiliar spark in his normally kind eyes. I realized letting Cal's name slip was a big mistake. From the corner of my eye, I caught Lou quietly dismissing herself and sneaking out of the room shaking her head.

"Don't worry, Mr. Andrews. Cal didn't say anything."

"Then he's done something, tell me what he's done. Please." Thomas moved closer, his knee touching mine, and he took both my hands in one of his, smoothing my curls behind my ear with his other. His eyes were wide and looking directly into mine. I was melting; his demeanor was so much different than Cal's. I felt that Thomas valued me in a way that Cal never had. He was protective of my feelings as a person, not of me as in a piece of his property. A single tear dropped down my cheek. Thomas wiped it away with his thumb and pleaded, "Charlotte, tell me what has happened."

"Oh, Thomas. So much, so much this entire voyage has just gone so wrong." I buried my head into the crook of his neck as my body was flooded with all the tumultuous emotions of this trip, and I cried. He rubbed my back and soothed me. I could have stayed that way, crying in his arms all night, but he took my shoulders and sat me up.

"Tell me, Charlotte. Open up to me, ye know ye can always trust me." I wanted so badly to tell him everything, but, instead, I held it in. For what reason, I'm not sure, maybe to spare him or maybe to spare me.

"I can't. I can't right now." I looked down and shook my head. Tears silently flowed down my cheeks into my lap.

"It's alright. I can wait till you are ready to talk." Then, he wrapped his long arms around me and held me so close that I could feel his heart beating in his chest. I looked up into his eyes and we both shared pained glances. He kissed my forehead, and I couldn't help but let out more tears. Somehow, I found myself thinking of Cal. If only I had never met Cal, and it had been Thomas all along. He shushed me and petted my hair. I could feel his eyes taking me in when he said, "Ye know, I've never seen ye look any more beautiful than ye do right now…" He trailed his finger across my freckle line, from one cheek to the other. Self-consciously, I smoothed my unruly hair. If only, Cal could accept me the way Thomas does was all I found myself thinking. "Okay, well I better let ye get some rest. Really, you need to eat a bite, too. Goodnight Charlotte, my dear friend." His eyes delved even deeper into my soul as he whispered yet again, "My dear, dear friend." We shared one finally embrace, and then he was gone. I looked at the food and nibbled here and there. I left the plate on the table and crawled into my bed, snuggling amongst the sheets, comforters, and pillows.

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When I next awoke, it was past breakfast time and almost lunch. I found myself searching for Lou and wondering why she hadn't woken me earlier. I found the half-eaten plate where I left it on the table and knew she hadn't come back last night. I felt myself begin to panic thinking of what could have befallen her. However, my worries were quickly put to rest when the door quietly and slowly opened to reveal Lou.

"Where have you been?"

"Um," Clearly, Lou was surprised to see me, "I wasn't expecting you to be awake."

"Not expecting me to be awake? It's almost noon. I had been expecting you to wake me hours ago." I felt like a demanding mother, but couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, Miss." She wasn't looking me in the eye.

"Lou, where were you last night?" I gestured to the old food, "Obviously, you never came back."

"I was…um…" Her nervousness made her stutter.

"I worried about you."

"You didn't need to worry. I was with Anderson." She looked up then, and I could see the deep flush on her cheeks.

"Oh, you're man-friend?" I laughed and winked at her, which only deepened her blush.

"Y-y-yes…" I felt bad for being hard on her, so I walked over and hugged her.

Gesturing towards my room, I asked, "Help me dress for lunch?"

"Certainly," Lou looked me up and down in my nightgown and laughed, "if ye don't mind me sayin' Miss, ye look like an overstuffed sausage." She broke out in giggles at her analogy.

"Hush, Lou." I tried to say, but laughter overtook me, as well. I could feel the fabric squeezing me and could imagine how it looked.

We decided on a white day dress with little blue bows scattered about, adorning the fabric. It cinched in at my waist and loosened at the elbows. It was one of my more simple dresses because that was the kind of mood I was in. Lou did my hair extra tightly for the day, almost uncomfortably. I wore as little makeup as possible for I wasn't ready to cover Charlie back up.

As I hurried out into the hall, I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I had not seen this friend since much earlier in the voyage. I approached Molly Brown's cabin door and knocked hoping that she was in. She answered the door, and a wide grin stretched its way across her face. "Well, Charlotte, you've finally came to see me. It's been too long, Girl." She hit my arm light-heartedly.

"Yes, I know. I've just been so incredibly busy, but anyways, I came by to ask you to join me for lunch."

"Of course I will; I'm starved. Let's go." She grabbed my arm and whisked us off at a brisk pace.

We sat across from each other at the table, and I found myself checking over both shoulders for any sign of Cal. Molly's voice snapped me back to attention, "What's got ya so nervous, you're like a little mouse when a barn cat's on the prowl?"

"Oh nothing…" I trailed off, trying to focus on Molly.

"You're really strange, y'know that?" She stared straight-faced at me, and my jaw dropped a bit.

"Excuse me?"

"You are really strange." She enunciated every word as if I didn't speak English.

"Why do you say that?"

"You don't act normal. Every time we're together, you've just got these weird tendencies." I think she could see the hurt on my face, because her voice softened, "Look. I'm trying to say that it's obvious something is wrong. As your friend, I want to know cause I want to help." I nodded my head tentatively debating on how much I should tell her.

Before I even realized what I had done, I had recited my entire life story to Molly. She listened closely and would nod her head every now and then. I didn't spare any last detail all the way through everything with Cal up until my evening with Mr. Andrews. I could see anger in her eyes when I spoke of Cal's abuse, as well as a soft look when I spoke of Thomas's gentle concern. I had no reason of why I would tell her all of this, but it seemed that somehow I thought she could help me. I finished talking, and when she didn't respond, I started feeling uncomfortable. I was relieved when she finally spoke first letting off a long, fading whistle.

"You've got yourself tied up in a spider's web, little missy."

"I know… Tell me about it."

"You don't need that Cal fella, you know that right? No woman needs a man."

"But I love him," was my pitiful response.

"You're tricking yourself into believing that. The relationship you're in is unhealthy, Charlotte. Once we get to America, you've got to break away from him. Go out on your own, no matter how scared you are." I shook my head up and down thinking about what she was saying, "Oh and Charlotte, don't go get tangled up with Thomas. He's a great man, but it isn't the proper timing. He's got a wife and daughter, and you need a chance to be on your own without a man. You need to discover who you are without having to worry about anyone else."

"Wow, Molly. You're such a strong woman; I admire that so much about you. I will definitely take your advice into consideration." We exchanged smiles and finished our remaining food.

"I'm here if you need me, anytime."

"Thank you for being such a great friend, Molly." We parted with our quick goodbyes, and I decided I wanted to go for a quick stroll out on the deck.

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**So, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter.**

**We've had so much action recently that I wanted a more laid-back chapter.**

**I still wanted it chock full of emotion.**

**I hope I brought that to you all and could feel everything along with Charlotte.**

**That's what I had intended anyways.**

**Thanks for reading and being patient.**

**The recent reviews are actually what made me kick my butt in gear and get to work on this chapter. So thank you. :)**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	14. He Truly Feels

**Awe, I just love the new reviews and story follows and favorites.**

**Thank you to everyone for your support.**

**Now, here is your Chapter 14…**

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I returned to my cabin after my brisk walk out on deck feeling refreshed. The tip of my nose was pink, and my face cold. I had ended up spending more time out there than I had intended. I spent the whole better half of the afternoon breathing in the chilly arctic air. Unfortunately, my new found vigor fizzled away when Cal stepped out of my bedroom.

"What do you want?" The voice came from my mouth but sounded nothing like me. It was cruel and vindictive. I watched as Cal was taken aback by my tone.

"I wanted to say that I'm-"

"That you're sorry? Well no, I'm the sorry one, Cal. I'm sorry that I ever fell in love with you. I'm sorry that I ever became entangled in your web, your web of lies." Then, I laughed; it was the laugh of a maniac. It came from somewhere outside of my body and scared me.

"Please, Charlotte, don't be like that baby…" He stepped forward, his hand brushing my cheek. I knew he expected me to melt, but that was out of the question. His touch felt repulsive on my skin, and I cringed.

"You don't get it. I'm done, Caledon. I've realized that you never really loved me like I loved you. I would tell you to go back to your precious Rose, but the thing is…she doesn't want you either." I shook my head stepping away from him.

"How dare you act like this to me?" He had put that snub-nosed snob look on his face, like he was so high and mighty.

"I'm only treating you how you deserve to be treated. For so long, I bowed down to your control. I did whatever you wanted; I was the perfect woman, but that wasn't good enough for you. As everything falls apart in your life, don't blame me. It is no one's fault but your own. You've ran Rose off; you made her miserable. Well, I'm standing up for myself now, too. You won't control me anymore." To my surprise, Cal listened without interrupting. He got a pitiful look on his face as he fell back onto the couch with a sigh. He looked up to me, and his face had grown kind.

"You're right. You are the perfect woman." He patted the spot next to him on the sofa, even managing a small smile. However, I refused to fall into the same routine that I had grown so accustomed to.

"Yes, I am." As I repeated this to myself, I realized exactly why I believed my own words, and it wasn't because of Cal. "Someone very kind has allowed me to understand that, a man who has shown me true compassion; someone who has shown me a kindness that you never did. He treats me like a human being, not like he owns me. That's the difference between you and him; I honestly believe he could love me one day. He might not yet, but at least he can one day. You, on the other hand, will never be able to really love me the way I deserve. I will only ever be second best to your money. I wish you luck, because with an attitude like that Cal, you will never ever satisfy any woman." For a brief moment, it was hurt and pain that I saw in Cal's look. Quickly, he resumed his ever present poker face.

"I suppose you're speaking of Mr. Andrews, hmmm? If you think he's so amazing, let's see how great you'll find him when he has no job."

"What are you talking about? You can't do that to him, can you?"

"Dear, you underestimate me. I've got many connections, and great deals of them happen to be with the heads of the White Star Line." He smirked, and it took all my willpower to constrain myself from smacking him across the cheek.

"Why do you do that? You always threaten people to get what you want, why not let people enjoy their own lives without interfering?" My question clearly took him off guard, but then he quickly moved towards me, wrapping me in his arms.

"Because I want you Charlotte Carter, and don't plan to let anyone steal you away from me that easily." I struggled to remove myself from his grasp.

"Let me go! You've already lost me. Regardless of Thomas, I couldn't bear to spend another moment as your girl. You are insufferable. I've wasted so much time loving you, but now, I finally realized that I must move on." His grip loosened, and I was able to slip away. Slowly, he made his way to the door. Before leaving, he glanced a solemn look full of sorrow in my direction.

"I'll leave you be now. Despite what you may think, I want you to be happy. Feel free to stay here the remainder of the voyage and pursue whatever you'd like with Mr. Andrews." With that, he exited quietly closing the door. I sat down breathing hard. I was exhausted, as it was so emotionally draining to not give in to him. I still loved him, but I just knew I had to do what was best for me.

Lou entered in to see me sobbing into my hands. Exasperation clear on her face as she comforted me like she had done so many times before. I had lost myself, and I felt bad that she had to deal with my tears so often. I wanted to be happy again. I truly did, and I had an idea of how I could make that happen. So, I asked Lou to help me clean up for dinner. She dabbed cool water along my red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Then, it was time to dress. I chose a deep brown, satin gown that resembled the color of mahogany. It was rich like a dark chocolate. My mood wouldn't allow me to wear bright colors, but I refused to wear black. That color should be reserved for widows and funerals. Even better, the darkness of this brown made the brown color of my hair and eyes appear lighter. It made me feel like a new woman. Lou must have sensed this because she styled my hair in a completely new up do. I kept the makeup minimal and even smiled at myself. I was ready for dinner and ready to see Thomas.

My footsteps echoed around me as I made my way down the hall. My heart pumped rapidly. I was excited but nervous to tell Thomas my feelings during dinner. I reached the first class dining saloon with ease. The Titanic had become familiar to me, but she was not home. I could not wait to be free of her confines. I loved the ship, but she had ruined my life. Boarding her was a great mistake that I wished I could unmake.

People weren't being seated yet, so I searched amongst the groups of the now familiar well-dressed people for Thomas. I wandered along anxiously. As I passed more people, I began to wonder if he was even going to show at all. The doors opened, and the swarms of hungry socialites began to file in. I was swept with the wave and deposited within the middle of the room. I glanced around still searching for Thomas; instead, I found that Cal had also been pushed along to the center of the room. Our eyes met in an awkward exchange. He stepped forward but retained a slight distance. He made idle chat about the live music. I agreed that it was lovely, but then I caught sight of Thomas and rushed off in a whirl of my full skirts.

He saw me and his whole face lit up as he smiled his sideways smile. He may have been many years my senior, but he always looked like a young school boy with that grin. I threw myself into a hug with him. I told him how happy I was to see him, but decided to share my new found feelings with him after dinner. He directed us toward a table of older couples, and he explained that he had promised them that he would join them for dinner tonight. They were nice enough, and there was pleasant conversation throughout the evening. A few times throughout the dinner, Thomas would go and make his way throughout the dining room. He would sit briefly and chat as he made his rounds. Once he had finished, we were free to leave. He excused us from the table, helping me from my seat, and offering his arm. He guided us out of the masses of still eating and conversing people. I tugged a bit on his sleeve getting his attention. Then, I raised up onto my tiptoes to whisper into his ear, "I've got something to tell you, but we need some privacy for this talk I think." Seeing the gears turning in his mind made my smile grow even wider. He patted my arm and told me he had just the place.

So, we entered the lifts, and they took us down to second class. I followed his lead as he showed us down the winding halls. Down here, it was still beautiful, but more modest. It wasn't as lavish and over the top. Still, it was more than my mother and I could have ever hoped to afford on our own. We stopped in front of a cabin door, and Thomas began to fumble around with some keys. He slid the correct one into the door, and we entered the room. I walked in surprised at the difference in size from my own suite. The blueprints sprawled on the wooden desk told me right away that this was surely Thomas's own cabin.

"How's this fer private?" Thomas came and wrapped my body in his warm arms. Then, he began to slide his jacket off tossing it onto the desk chair, and now, I was definitely sure this was his quarters. I found myself confused.

"It's funny…I had always believed you would have stayed in First Class."

"Oh no, those aren't my people, Charlotte. Y'see, I'm not a big time business owner or an heir to a great family fortune. I'm just a hard-working shipbuilder." As he spoke, I could see the easy Irishman that he was. His simplicity hit me like a breath of fresh air.

"Those aren't my people either." I kept my eyes locked with his as I moved toward him.

"I knew ye were different. I could see that ye were real." His arms engulfed me yet again as he whispered into my ear, "Anyways, what was it that you were wantin' to tell me?" I felt my heart beating hard against his chest. I looked up into his soft eyes and smiled.

"I want you to kiss me Thomas Andrews." He drew me in even closer that I could even feel his heartbeat. I closed my eyes waiting to feel his lips delve into mine. I felt his breath right before he reached my mouth. I was eager and excited. There was the lightest flutter of touch on my mouth, but then it was done. I stood there a moment more; my eyes still shut hoping he was going to come back with the fervor I had been expecting his kiss to exhibit. He cleared his throat making me open my eyes. He didn't make eye contact with me and looked away bashfully. I touched my mouth wondering if he had even kissed me at all. Confused, I moved my eyes to the floor replaying the moment in my head.

"Did I…do something wrong?" I moved my focus back to Thomas and shook my head. Suddenly, I no longer wanted to be standing there. I felt bad for him. The tension in the room was smothering. I wasn't sure why he had kissed me like that, if he had even kissed me at all. Nonetheless, the whole situation just felt wrong. I second-guessed my decision about my feelings for Thomas. I was driven by passion, and it felt as if Thomas had none. Of course, I hadn't been expecting Thomas to tug at my hair wanting to ravish my whole body like Cal had always done, but there needed to be some kind of chemistry. I did not know how to approach Thomas with my question, so I decided the best thing to do was to be straight-forward.

"Thomas, did you feel any kind of spark when you kissed me, anything at all?" He fidgeted uncomfortably.

"To be honest, no," He quickly reached for my hand, "but only because I couldn't stop thinking about my wife." His answer hurt me. I nodded my head slowly. "It isn't yer fault, and I don't know why she was in my mind. I didn't want her to be, all I wanted to think about was you." He squeezed my hand, but I had no clue what to make of this or how to respond.

"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be between you and me." I choked back my tears, not wanting to show him my hurt. I had been so sure that this was what I wanted.

"Don't say that, maybe after…" I shushed him.

"This is all so confusing. I think it's best that I leave here tonight as your friend." I gave him a quick hug and began to move toward the door. He stood where I left him, just staring.

"I can walk ye back." His voice sounded weak, but he made no movement toward me.

"It would be better for both of us if I go alone." He nodded his head, and I knew he agreed.

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**Hmm, what'd you think?**

**Hope y'all enjoyed. There's more to come.**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	15. For What is a Man

**Hello Readers,**

**I've been gone so long, I know.**

**I even had to reread my own story to remember everything. May I suggest doing that to any of my original readers, as well.**

**So here it is. The sinking is imminent, but first we've got to have a bit of drama and romance. ;)**

**Please enjoy.**

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I left there more perplexed than I had experienced during the whole trip. I had gone to Thomas so sure that he was what I wanted. Little did I know, maybe I wasn't everything that he wanted. Now, I felt like it was meant to be this way. I realized my feelings for Cal weren't yet gone and that I had been moving too fast. Molly had been right. I was wrong for trying to move on with Thomas when I still truly loved Cal. My life was in a tail spin, and I could not, try as I might, regain balance.

Wondering through the second class hallways, I contemplated my next move. I felt like a stranger within my own body. Part of me wanted to see Cal, part of me knew I should not, and yet, even another small part of me wanted to run back to Thomas's warm arms and try that kiss again. The thought of talking to Molly or Lou seemed like it may be best; I had to get away from men to make the best choice. Running to Cal or back to Thomas would be too easy and just make my mind even fuzzier. As if I did not already feel alien enough aboard this ship, I could not help but think every other passenger that passed me shot odd glances my way. I told myself that it was my imagination, but then I caught my reflection as I passed a framed photo on the wall. My image was a faint overlay in the glass of the frame. Tear streaks trailed down my cheeks and black smudges lined my eyes. I could not remember crying, but seeing how broken I looked brought even more tears. I stood there staring at my transparent, sobbing reflection backed by a landscape with green hills and blue skies. It looked so happy there; I imagined crawling through the picture to that lovely meadow. How badly I wished to escape this dreadful ship.

My tears subsided, and I quickly continued my walk. My plans to talk to Molly or Lou were gone. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my nice warm bed and sleep away the rest of the journey. I questioned what reasons I had to even leave my cabin. Four long days had already passed; each one worse than the first. The thought of how bad the rest could get scared me. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and was surprised to find that I had reached my cabin hall. Voices down the corridor drew my attention. There was a lovely, young crewman standing outside of an open door to one of the cabins. He was gesturing to someone within the room. I stopped, taking in the sight of him. Tall and uniformed with tamed hair much like honey, I watched him step inside the room only to pop back out. His laughter brightened his entire face as his smile reached ear to ear. The young man reached back through the door; this time a young woman's hand with delicate wrists was in his. Soon, the whole girl had entered the hall. My jaw dropped to find that it was Lou. Even through all my sadness, a small smile spread across my face. The handsome man must be Lou's Anderson. I readied myself for an introduction, but they turned to leave in the opposite direction without ever seeing me. The two young lovers walked away arm in arm so wrapped up in their own world to care about anyone else on Earth.

A pain radiated out from my heart throughout my entire body. I remembered the days before Rose when Cal and I had been much the same as Lou and her beau. Cal would take me to the most amazing restaurants; often, we would just completely share both plates. There rarely was his and mine; we had entirely just become one. Oh, and our lovely strolls through the park always ended in giddy laughter. As I entered my room, I actually felt happy. Then, I basically wanted to kick myself for allowing these memories to resurface. Cal and I had once been happy, but it would never be possible to achieve that again. There were too many pressures on our relationship that could no longer be shoved away in blissful ignorance. I walked over to the wall of the sitting room and placed my hand upon it. Cal's suite was right on the other side. I wondered if he was in there or perhaps maybe the Dewitt Bukater women. I laughed as I realized that Rose was likely about somewhere with Mr. Dawson. I heard a faint noise, some kind of movement on the other side of the wall. I chuckled to myself imagining Ruth with a glass pressed against the wall straining to hear what may be going on in my cabin; that woman was beyond nosy. I backed away still staring at the wood paneled wall. It was symbolic of all the barriers keeping Cal and I from truly being happy. If it would disappear, if they would all disappear, perhaps our relationship could blossom. I sighed and reminded myself that these were just dreams. It would take a miracle for Cal to choose me over Rose and his inheritance.

Then, I remembered what Rose had said in the hall about being with Jack. What would happen if Rose did indeed refuse to marry Cal and ran off with Jack? The possibility of being with Cal sent a warm sensation throughout my entire body. My heartbeat quickened at the prospect, and suddenly, I had a grand anticipation of how this voyage would end. In a perfect world, Rose would go on with Jack, Cal would take me home to Pittsburgh, and his family would accept me in open arms without a second thought. I realized if this could be reality; I would be willing to take Cal back. I may just be a silly, or even a stupid girl, but I knew I loved him. There was really nothing I wanted more than to be his forever. I refused to be his mistress, but maybe it would not have to be like that.

A hard knock at the door broke my daydreams. I answered and, for some reason, was not surprised to see Cal standing there. His dinner jacket was unbuttoned, his shirt had partly become untucked, and his hair was not slicked back into its usual perfection. I beckoned him inside, and he silently went to the sofa. He looked rough, and I could smell alcohol. I knew all too well that I must tread lightly because he was prone to explode in anger when drunk. However, he didn't appear like his normally angry drunk self. There was something about the slouched, slow way he was moving. He rubbed the spot next to him. He never raised his head to look at me, but I knew it was his way of asking me to sit next to him. I hesitantly went and took a seat at the other end of the sofa and eyed him cautiously. He raised his eyes to mine. They were clouded like he had been crying. When he finally cleared his throat and spoke, it even sounded like he was trying to choke back tears.

"Charlotte, is there nothing I can do to win you back?" He spoke low and monotone.

"What do you mean Cal?"

"I saw you leave dinner tonight with Mr. Andrews. I'm not sure…how serious you two are, but I have to let you know that seeing you with him," he took a ragged breath and continued, "well, it makes me feel dead inside."

"Thomas and I are friends. I don't think we will ever be anything more." He seemed to perk up as I finished my sentence, like a weight had been lifted.

"So you, you didn't sleep with him tonight?"

"No!" I leaned back appalled.

"Oh, I didn't mean to be so frank. I'm sorry." He scooted towards me reaching for my hand which I promptly snatched back.

"You know Cal, just because I'm not with Thomas does not mean you can just have me back."

"I know. I've really messed everything up with you, haven't I Charlie?" He had become quite gloomy yet again.

"I told you earlier how you have made me feel and why that is unacceptable." I looked away, unable to bring myself to look into the sadness within his eyes.

"Do you still love me at all?" He was beginning to choke up again. I glanced back at him and could see water pooling in his eyes.

"Of course I still love you. I don't know how to stop… but," Now, I felt the familiar burn behind my eyes also. "But, I can't remain with you to be treated so horribly. I have to move on."

"I can change for you Charlotte; I really can." He had moved his face right to mine, and I could no longer avoid his pleading gaze.

"Honestly, Cal… I was just thinking earlier how good we could be if somehow it was just you and I, but there are so many obstacles in our way that I just think it's hopeless."

"Charlie, no matter what, I want you in my life…forever." He took my face in both of his hands and stared straight into my eyes.

"I don't think you understand." I closed my eyelids to stop my tears.

"What? Tell me what I don't understand." He remained so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath and smell the scent of sweet liquor.

"I will not be your mistress." There was a firmness and strength in my tone that surprised me. Cal shook his head.

"Don't worry, you won't have to be." He placed his lips ever so gently on mine. He started out gentle. When I kissed him back, the passion was ignited like a spark. This chemistry was what was missing with Thomas. Cal's kiss reminded me that I could not live the rest of my life without passionate romance. Soon, Cal's tongue ever so lightly slipped between my lips. I opened my mouth a bit more to beckon his tongue forward. Feeling his tongue enter my mouth reminded me of another of his body parts entering me. My womanhood began throbbing as I started throwing myself even more into kissing him. I stood and winked at him. I turned my back to him and with deft hands he undid my dresses clasps and went to work with my corset. He gingerly tugged all my clothes off. I turned around and watched his smile become bigger as he took the whole sight of me in. He walked over and whispered into my ear, "You are so beautiful."

I sat back down on the sofa and watched as he quickly removed his own garments. He sat next to me and pulled me on top of him. We began kissing; every one stronger and longer than the last. His hands roamed every inch of my body, and my hips took on a life of their own as they began moving up and down. I could feel his manhood already grown stiff beneath me. His hands cupped each of my breasts. He never tired of staring and playing with them, no matter how many times he had seen them. He slowly circled my pink nipple with his finger causing the throbbing between my legs to increase. When he took my erect nipple into his mouth, a wonderful moan escaped across my lips. His other hand rubbed my inner thigh teasing me.

Then, he wrapped his arms around me. He lifted me and carried me to the bed where he crawled up on top of me. He kissed my lips and trailed his tongue around my ear before he licked down my neck. He sucked lightly on my neck as he used his hand to guide himself inside of me. I gasped and wrapped my legs around his body. He moved his hips back and forth; my body joined his rhythm allowing him to penetrate me even deeper. Breathlessly I begged, "Harder…" He listened, and he picked up speed ramming me harder and harder. His breathing was becoming louder. My pleasure grew more and more. I started to become light-headed in my ecstasy, and suddenly, there was a great release and my body went limp in satisfaction. I felt Cal's warm juices explode inside of me soon after. Pleasantly exhausted, he rested his head on my chest. Cal's breathing slowed and became soft; I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair until I too fell into the best sleep I had experienced on the ship thus far.

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**I feel so bad that their happiness cannot last! Stupid iceburg…**

**Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter. It got a bit heated towards the end… ;)**

**That's chapter 15… Review and let me know if there is even anyone out there that still cares about my fanfic.**

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


	16. Each Charted Course

**Hello all,**

**The somber end draws near as the great Titanic meets the even greater Iceberg.**

**Enjoy these last few chapters.**

**Much love to all my readers, and especially to my reviewers. Sorry for the wait...**

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"_Cal, come along."_

"_Why do you insist we walk so quickly, Charlotte?"_

"_We have to meet her. Don't you understand that we don't have much time?"_

"_And just who are we to meet?"_

"_My mother of course."_

"_You're mother!"_

"_Yes, now hurry."_

"_Charlie, I can't…"_

"_Oh don't be so silly. Why can't you?"_

"_Well, it's just…"_

"_You're marrying her daughter. It's the proper thing to do."_

"_It would be improper of me."_

"_What do you mean? Improper how?"_

"_Because I can't marry you Charlotte…"_

"_But-you said-you told me!"_

"_I was not thinking straight."_

"_No, Cal. Please, please don't do this. I beg of you."_

_I fell to my knees as I watched him leave me. In the distance, he faded into the mist surrounding me. I slammed my fists into the moist, mossy ground and called out for my mother. Instead, Thomas's sweet, Irish inflection filled the air around me. _

"_Oh my pretty little Charlotte…"_

"_Thomas?"_

"_Do not cry ov'r him, my dear."_

"_Thomas, where are you? Come on out of the fog."_

"_I wish ye would have let me finished explaining before ye ran away from me."_

"_You can explain now… Please?"_

"_It won't matter now, y'see? It is all over."_

_I tried to respond, but instead my own voice echoed all around me. _

_"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be between you and me…This is all so confusing. I think it's best that I leave here tonight as your friend…It would be better for both of us if I go alone."_

"_That tisn't what I wanted at all fer us, Charlotte. Ye shouldn't have ran back to him. He will never leave Rose er his money for ye. I would have given up anything in the world ta have ye. I saw something in yer eyes the first time we met. Ye had a sparkle, and now ye've let him take that-" Thomas's voice faltered, and the fog began closing in around me along with the ever mounting sound of his tears._

Suddenly, the world jolted. I sat upright in bed as my eyes flew wide open. I questioned whether it was part of my dream or if the room had really shuttered. Then, I noticed the chandelier slightly swinging, and I knew it was real. I stared gazing oddly at the twinkling light wondering what could have made it move so. I turned to ask Cal, but he was no longer in bed with me. My stomach sank with a terrible sense of foreboding. I reached out to feel where he had been, and it was still warm. I glanced at the clock which read 11:40 pm and sighed; perhaps he had just stepped out to relieve himself.

So, I rolled back over and snuggled back into the pillows. I lay there awhile trying to find sleep again, but Cal never returned and neither did my peace of mind. I accepted that I wouldn't be able to sleep till I knew what was going on. I slid from the bed and threw my night coat on. I left the room and moved down the corridor.

As I came upon Molly's cabin, I noticed the door open and peaked in. "Hello?" I called out.

"Charlotte? Is that you?" She answered as she came into sight. "Well, come on in Girl."

"So sorry to bother you, but did you feel the ship shutter several minutes ago?"

"Shutter? It was more than a shutter. I nearly lost my footing." She chuckled.

"Do you know why?" My heart was racing a bit.

"Nope, I sure don't. People were saying that it was nothing to worry about."

"Well, that's a relief… You haven't seen Cal by any chance have you?"

"Actually, I did. He was rushing down the hall when I was coming back to my room a little while ago."

"Oh! Any idea where he may have been going?"

"Now, Charlotte. You aren't tryin' to get yourself tangled back up again with him, are you?"

"He said I didn't have to be his mistress anymore." I did not look her in the eye but could feel her disapproving gaze. I know it sounded like I was just a dumb girl caught up in the lies of a man, and after my dream, I wasn't even sure if I believed him anymore, I chose to hope rather than accept such an upsetting reality.

"Don't be that girl Charlotte. Don't be that naïve girl that everyone pities. Please." Molly reached forward and rested both hands on my shoulders. They were heavy; I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't move my eyes from the floor as I slipped from her grip.

"Goodbye, friend." I whispered quietly as I left; Molly's disappointment still weighing heavily on my shoulders.

I walked heavy-footed and broken-hearted. Molly had confirmed that Cal had indeed left me alone in my bed after he had begged so hard for my forgiveness. My mission changed. I needed time to think about what to do about Cal's most recent lies. So instead, I decided to figure out what was going on with the ship, and I knew just the person, my friend, Thomas Andrews.

After making my way to his second class cabin from memory, I knocked upon his door. I took a nervous breath wondering how he would react seeing me again. I stood there awhile before knocking again. A maid passed by eyeing me. Next, I knocked harder and even called to him inside hoping that it was the correct room. This time the maid came up to me.

"Are you a friend of Mr. Andrew's?" Her English was heavy, and her eyes glared at me suspiciously.

"Why, um…yes. Yes, I am." I tried to give her a slight smile, but she did not return the gesture and only frowned more pronounced.

"He's gone."

"Well, do you know where to?"

"Not sure. Some men came down and hurried him out. They were carrying some papers and were speaking fast. They looked pretty worried about something, especially Thomas." She softened speaking about him, and I wondered just how well she knew him.

"Thank you." I nodded and turned around trying to get away from the maid and her leering gaze as quickly as I could. I was left with the decision of who to go after. I could either look for Mr. Andrews who was likely to be in the bridge or Cal who could be anywhere…

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**Dun, dun, dun…**

**Who will Charlotte choose to chase down? Or better yet, who ****should**** she go looking for?**

**Review and let me know what you think? **

**Sincerely,**

**Courtney Daisy**


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